Part of Two Writing Teachers Slice of Life

Today
My dog, Finnegan
wanted to stop and sniff
More snow
I was running late
and I told him
again
that we needed to go home
I tugged
I won
we went
but my heart broke
a little for
Finnegan
even though my tug was gentle

I re-realized, a truth
I am not made for this sort of
stuff
This having a dog stuff

I realize
re-realized
isn’t a
real
word
but one I’ve
real-ized
because I re-realize
too often —
this empathy problem

Wouldn’t it be cool if I could syphon off just a bit of my empathy?
Give it to other people
in need?
When the screen comes up at the grocery store, instead of asking me to round up for charity, it could say
Would you care to offload some of your empathy?

I’d totally do it
So that
Every day at school
When kids are
Hurt
Or even
Gently tugged
Or
God, when they are
Misunderstood
In trouble
I wouldn’t have to re-realize a truth
I am not made for this sort of stuff
this teaching stuff

I think about a conversation I overheard months ago
between two first-graders on the back of the rug

Wanna come to my house after school?

No.

(Pause
Head Down)

Can we go to your house?

No.

Heartbreaking.

One day a few months ago, I was driving to one meeting or another
trying to convince myself to
let it go
to
not care about an issue
that had been getting me riled up
and then I re-realized that I work with
real kids
and their
real teachers
so instead of letting it go
I cried the whole way to my meeting

This is not an interview
I’m not trying to bamboozle you
My greatest weakness?
Oh, I care
too much.

I’m just saying
I’m not made for this sort of stuff
I do care
too much.

Heartbreaking.