I need to tell you about calling the cable company.
Why would I call the cable company? That’s a level of adulting I don’t usually stoop to. But, I live in a neighborhood cut out of a forest. My Wi-Fi and cell service are terrible. It’s somewhat of a joke, a terrible nuisance, and the cause of a bit of anxiety…The dropped calls, the “Can you hear me how’s” are getting old. So I finally agreed to call and set up a landline, for emergencies.
I’ll spare you the details of the automated voice answering, the way I had to press buttons and answer a kind robot’s questions and be on hold for awhile before finally getting to a real person.
I was curious and confused, and I also just needed a landline added. But the pricing system didn’t make any sense, and it seemed like you almost had to get TV channels.
“So Internet plus a landline plus TV is only a little more than what I’m paying now?” I asked
“Sure ma’am. I’ll set you up for the Triple Play Package, Ma’am. I’ll get you all set up, ma’am, and then I can send you an estimate.” There was a lot of waiting and clicking.
I double checked about the landline, feelings stupid as I asked questions like, “So this is for like a real landline that connects to my phone jack, right?” And “This has nothing to do with my Wi-Fi right? Because the whole point is to have a back-up landline.”
She was patient with me. “Oh yes, ma’am. A real landline. Not the Wi-Fi. I understand your situation.”
There was more waiting and clicking.
“And who is this Mr. Thought?” She asked.
“Oh.” I said with a deep breath. “That’s my ex-husband. We were actually on the phone for hours and hours months ago trying to get his name off of the account.”
“Yes, ma’am. I am sorry, ma’am. I can take care of that ma’am.”
There was more clicking, more waiting.
“Sorry ma’am. I can get this contract estimate to you soon. What happened?”
“What?” I asked, confused again. She couldn’t possibly be asking about what happened with my divorce.
“You said your ex-husband,” she explained, “what happened there? With your ex?”
The customer service woman at the cable company is wondering about the downfall of my marriage. Okay…
“Well, it was terrible,” I explained. “And then, like I said, I had to stay on the phone for hours with him trying to get his name off of my account.”
“Oh, ma’am. I’m so sorry that happened.”
She finally sent the estimate – which by the way, with added fees was more than $50 more than it says it will be.
“I’m a single mom now.” I told her. “I really need to keep the cost low here. Can I just get internet and a landline?”
“Oh ma’am. I understand your situation. Yes I do. You don’t worry. I will get your cost down. We will give you just the landline.”
At the end of the call, with the promise of an activated landline over the weekend, she had parting words for me.
“Ma’am, I don’t want you to ever be negative about the world.”
I thanked her, and she continued.
“There are so many people out there. So many people who love you. And thank you for doing your business with us.”
I hung up, smiling, with hope in my heart that the bill she quoted me would indeed be true.
When the weekend came and no landline was activated, I was annoyed.
So, today I called again.
Turns out, it’s a Wi-Fi landline.
Turns out, my modem doesn’t support it.
Turns out, it would be an extra $40 a month.
I’m really trying, MA’AM, not to be negative!
I mean, I did get my internet speed tripled today, for $20 cheaper. . .