I did it.

31 days.

and even though today
each
word
and
thought
was
interrupted
Like even these words, friends. Even these thoughts-
Interrupted by people I love needing me
calling my name,
“Mama”
telling me things, asking me things, fighting in the other room…

I did it.
Even today.

7 Marches, now 8 Marches.

March 2014 March 2015 March 2016 March2017 March 2018 March 2019 March 2020

March 2021

And this year I finally convinced a group of teachers to write with me.
I’m so proud of them!
Some wrote a handful of times, others wrote each of the 31 days.
Some are “my teachers” I coach
Some are teachers across town
One’s a librarian
One’s an intern
One’s a principal
All of us are
Writers!

And my coach heart and my writing heart and my teacher heart
are so very very proud.

(Warning, this slice includes an expletive.)

I’ve run out of ways to express the metaphors
for the things I can’t tell you

But

Someone spilled chocolate ice cream on the tablecloth yesterday
The tablecloths is one of those pretty ones from Home Goods
It has birds and flowers, lavender and periwinkle and the perfect spring green
And now it has a splotch of chocolate ice cream
I’m writing this while staring at that splotch
Listen, it was an accident
An overzealous lover of vegan ice cream tipped a little out of his bowl
And I think that it will wash out with a little bit of the right detergent
I mean, it might not be exactly stain-free, but it would be splotch free
It would be good, the stain would tell a story like tablecloth stains do
That splotch doesn’t have to stay there, rotting the tablecloth
But first I’d have to stop writing
Clear the table
And decide to put the tablecloth
in the f#$%^N washing machine

I’ve run out of ways to express the metaphors
for the things I can’t tell you

But I’m still writing

“What are we going to do now?” E asks after dinner and then adds “Do you have like a bunch of work to do?”

“Not too much,” I start saying “I just want to -“

“Put your pajamas on?” He interrupts.

It’s a good guess, but I was going to say write.

“Well, that, and slice,” I explain as I laugh to myself about how my kids know me so well. They probably think it’s odd that I didn’t already have my pajamas on at dinner.

I’m sure I complained about pajama time when I was a kid, but now it’s my favorite time.

And that’s saying something, since I work from home and wear fuzzy socks all day.

I’ve brought my laptop to the deck. My laptop, my to do list and my dog.
The birds are chirping and there’s just a hint of green – Not really in my backyard that is basically a yard of mud and sticks and moss and trees. But out there, somewhere, there is green.

“Did you notice how suddenly the grass is green?” H asked me this morning. And I looked at the front yard and that is when I noticed.

“I love hearing the birds chirping through the phone” my friends said to me this morning. And I listened and that is when I noticed.

Now I’m sitting on my deck, with my laptop and my dog.
I’m thinking about my to do list. I really have a lot of work to do, no joke.
And I love the work that I have to do, no joke.

But did I mention that the birds are chirping and calling?
Did you know my dog is snoozing in the sun?
I can hear kids playing a few yards away.

This must be how procrastination starts. I feel like I’ve paused time for a moment to examine it – that moment of decision: Work or sit back and listen to the birds, maybe read a book? I still don’t know what I’ll decide. Maybe make a cup of tea. Should I go inside and get my notebook, or to the garage to get my favorite deck chair?

I haven’t even mentioned the laundry that is waiting for me inside.

Mardi –

I use Carmex now.
I say now – even though I just got it from Target yesterday
I say Target – even though I didn’t go into Target, I just pulled up to the drive up spot so they could load my bags in
I say my bags – even though it was just one bag: Carmex, tea, washer wash
I say Carmex, tea, washer wash – even though there was also a bag of vegan chocolate covered coconut

My point is,
I use Carmex now
and even though I think you used the original and mine is strawberry
well, the pack came with cherry and mint too, but my current open Carmex is strawberry
even though mine might be a little different
every time I use it,
I think of you and your Carmex
and how it seemed like it was always just there, almost unnoticeable, but there
like on your van console
like on your classroom desk
like in your pocket
once I think you dropped it in the parking lot and then found it at the end of the day or the next day or something and I remember asking you if you were sure it was yours?

Memories are weird but
I use Carmex now
because my lips have been so dry
the last time I saw you, I think there was a Carmex on your night stand
I can’t be sure, but I think it was there, almost unnoticeable, but there
next to the glass of water with the straw
and you were thirsty
and I gave you sips of your water
and we said I love you
and you said you were so glad I stopped by
and I was glad to stop by

– Ona