It’s no secret: I’m no fan of standardized tests. But, I am a fan of my son so when he asked me to sit with him tonight to do a practice SAT, I was happy to oblige. I have a lot of reflections, but honestly – watching someone take a practice SAT is exhausting.

So here’s an SAT for you. Good luck!

1. What is the best way to complete this sentence in standard English?

If you haven’t sat next to my son as he takes a practice SAT ____.

A) , I dare you to try.

B) then you might not know the truth. He’s smarter than he thinks he is, and probably smarter than you.

C) how can you call yourself his parent?

D) All of the above

2. What is the theme, or lesson of the following short story?

One evening a mom sat with her 17 year old as he completed one more practice SAT before test day. He had asked for her help, but didn’t really want her to talk. So, she stared at the screen, happy when she knew an answer, which was not often once he got to the math sections. The English part was okay, although she wasn’t sure why the SAT folks think that commas and semicolons are so very important. She wondered if the SATs were this tricky when she was in high school, and what would happen if adults had to keep taking the SATs every few years.

She made some vegan Mac and cheese for dinner since her son was hangry. But she had to do it in short intervals since she didn’t want to miss any of the riveting practice questions. Luckily there was a break between the English sections and the math sections! When the math started, her son answered math questions the same way he has always answered math questions: with strategies that to the untrained ear sound like they would never result in the right answer, but somehow they do. The mom found herself daydreaming, remembering her son in elementary school solving multiplication problems.

“Maybe she should record him solving a problem,” she thought, since she could never make up an example of his problem-solving to explain it to other people. She was jolted from her daydream by the expletives muttered to the computer screen. Her son has recently been certain that there’s no way he will get into college. The stress was high! The test clock ticked and the questions got harder. Her son was tired, feeling rushed. He finally stated it would be better for his mental health and skipped the last few tricky math problems. But, he still got a higher score than she had decades earlier.

A) Moms who sit by their 17 year-olds doing SATs deserve an honorary 1600 on the SATs.

B) Math algorithms aren’t all they’re cracked up to be, and neither are SATs.

C) If you want to succeed in life, make sure you really, really, really, really understand commas and semicolons; i.e. grammar is probably the most important part of reading and writing (and actually life.)

D) Extra time is a great testing accommodation, but we should really think of a way to let kids curse at their computers while they are testing.

3. If a student were researching testing by taking notes on this website and wanted to prove that moms are better than SATs, which note would be the best data point?

A) She was jolted from her daydream by the expletives

B) Her son was tired, feeling rushed and skipped the last few tricky math problems, but still got a higher score than she had decades earlier.

C) semicolons are very important

D) She made some vegan Mac and cheese for dinner since her son was hangry.