I’m trying to be
Still. But,
my teacher brain got turned to max
and I can’t really dial it down.
I don’t mean to be dramatic, but
I’ve got to get
organized
I tell myself this every few minutes
before remembering that
I have
no
idea
what
I’m organizing for
Who knows where I’ll be
who I’ll be
what I’ll be
how I’ll be
but,
still.
I look at everything with my
teacher eyes.
I took a mini plastic magnifying glass off of a soap dispenser and kept it.
Just in case
I need a mini plastic magnifying glass in my classroom.
Still.
I need to be still.
I don’t know who I’m collecting things for.
Speaking of things I don’t know –
I should probably reread every teaching book
I’ve read over the last 7 years with a new
lens. I’m calling
this lens,
helping myself.
Can I be my own coach?
To try, I will need to
listen to myself
stand by myself
question myself
advocate for myself
stretch myself
grow myself
give myself grace
(And if you see me
talking to myself,
you’ll know why…)
I
still
have time
Months actually
4 full months
Still –
Once the teacher dial has been dialed up, it’s really quite hard to dial it down
and be still.
On a Thought 
I absolutely love this. I relate so much. There is a flip-side to teacher brain turned way up like this: NO SLEEP (another blog for another day). That amped, heightened teacher brain is a real thing. “I’m trying to be
Still. But,…” THIS begins in a perfect way. I can’t tell you how much I relate to this.
Oh the sleep. 😦
Why four full months?
I was thinking April, May, June, July … and then August starts the new school year. So March doesn’t really count … and August 1st will be the real end of summer.. (Until June I’m still in my current role)
Gotcha.
I read this and I thought…YES. Someone else out there does what I do!
And no, I won’t tell you how many years I drove around with a random lone shoe in the back of my car because I thought it would be cool to bring it in to school and let the kids take it apart to see how it was made.
Teacher brain, indeed.
And if your coach feels like stoppin’ by my place, let me know. She sounds…pretty cool. =)
The teacher brain never turns off! I wish you luck in your new position.
I feel every word of this slice. You’re living the March I experienced seven years ago as I, too, transitioned from a coaching role back to the classroom. Spoiler alert: It was amazing. Kids had changed—and so had I—but I’d forgotten how wonderful being in the classroom is. Brain dumping in a notebook was my best friend that spring!
I am already thinking about next year, and I won’t be changing roles. I hope you’ll write a lot about transiting from coaching back into the classroom.
Oh, that is a HUGE change. You will spend a lot of time overthinking (as I love how you made this poem). You will do a lot of different things than you are thinking now, I bet — but it will all just kind of happen. Enjoy your last few months and onto another phase!
As I read yours words I find myself wanting to give you a hug while simultaneously yelling at the big man, all while shaking my pompoms cheering you on at the same time. I can’t pretend to know how you’re feeling in this moment but I know how it felt to be coached and cheered on by YOU. And to read you coaching yourself as a coach (woah), I know the next teacher you is going to be better than ever before. I hope in this time of uncertainty and change you know how extremely valued you were. At least by me and lots and lots of little smiles and big ones too. 💕
You captured all the feelings in a beautiful poem. I am excited for you. Each year as a coach, my school district riles us up to go back and take over for classes with no teachers. Each year I get excited, worried, ready and each year, they rescind their words. Again, I am excited for you!
I know this struggle well. It is so difficult to quiet a teacher voice. I like the switching from the verb form to the adverbial form of “still” in your poem and the way you have physically stretched the poem as though to show the struggle over time w/ trying to silence that teacher voice and be still.
This is excellent, supremely structured and full of wisdom and insight. Your stanza repeating ‘myself…myself…myself’ leading into “if you see me talking to myself you’ll know why” is particularly excellent. Thanks for the read!
The excitement over your new position comes through loud and clear as you question yourself in many forms. A lovely slice! Good luck!!
So much Truth in this poem. I like how you used enjambment to force movement throughout this piece.
The idea of our teacher brains being dialed up – that is so perfect, and you’ve captured the feelings with both a bit franticness, a bit of humor, and a bit of “we can do this” too.
This sounds like such a hard place to be in! I would definitely have a hard time being still, if I were in your shoes. –and you’ve managed to turn it into a beautiful poem! I love your stanza about taking the tiny magnifying glass (because maybe you’ll have a class where you want it)–that’s such a teacher thing to do! –and I love all the other stanzas, too.
Ona, I hope the next big change is the best chapter of all so far! Have a good finish of this year and on to what is next. In the meantime, I hope you can breathe and be still.
Ona, your first stanza illustrates the impact of the teacher brain on everyday life. Be still is a meditative stance to bring calm but it is difficult to do when you are on max speed. I get your thoughts. Thanks for opening up your heart.