Calm Down
the months I knew for sure my friend was going to die
but didn’t know my husband was screwing my kids’ teacher
a song kept coming on my shuffle, trying to get me to
pay attention to
my instincts
Julianna Calm Down*
You know he’s about to leave but don’t panic
I would sob on the way home from visiting my dying friend
Breathe
It’ll be okay
later I found out how true the song
actually was
so it seems pretty dramatic that work is making me sing that same song
I’m rolling my eyes at myself here
nobody’s dying (besides all of us at some point)
I’m not even married anymore
just put on, put on, put on your best shoes…
and do it with a smile so that no one knows it’s
put on, put on, put on
so I should just be able to
breathe
it’ll be okay
I already know the sting of betrayal
so maybe that is why
dignity matters to me
truth is important to me
and I find it hard to back down from my
instincts
since I said I’d
never
doubt them again
hold on
to everything you
know to be true
don’t let the wolves
get the best of you
breathe
I’m trying, Chicks, I’m trying.
*Julianna Calm Down by The Chicks is a beautiful song – that does contain adult language.
On a Thought 
I love the way you interweave the song lyrics with how they’re landing for you. That opening stanza packs quite a punch! It sounds like you’re doing a good job of trusting yourself now. I hope things get easier.
Wow. The vulnerability and openess and rawness of this with the lyrics inter-woven is magic. It stings in all of the right places.
that whole album
Whoa, especially your opener. You embedded the lyrics with your experience so well, it’s almost hard to tell which is which. Power songs have their way of making things bearable.
Wow. My jaw is dropped. You have such an amazing way with words. The words you chose and the song lyrics you chose to pinpoint make this slice of life so unique, powerful, and relatable.
I truly believe in signs like this, shaking us gently (or not) out of the stupor of everyday living and surviving to get us to wake up, smell the coffee, and do something. I hope this song and your gut lead you to a happy outcome of whatever the size of the situation.
Ona, wow, what a powerful post. I’m listening to The Chicks song now. I’m glad you found its power during such a difficult time, and now you need it again. Blessings to you and all that you are going through at work. This post really speaks. Thank you for sharing.
Accolades to you for enduring sadness and opening your heart in this slice. May your instincts continue to help you deal with life’s fragile moments.
So much power and vulnerability in this post. Even though the crafting of the words along with the lyrics is so beautiful I really just wanted to come and send a virtual hug.