Way back when I was a new teacher, there was a mom who was mad at me… very mad at me. This was my second year teaching, I think, and my first year in sixth grade.

25 years later and my memory is a bit hazy, but I think I remember enough. Her daughter was in student council, and once a week or so she would miss the first part of homeroom. She would miss the start, or maybe the end of our daily journal writing. Even though part of being on student council was the understanding that you would need to make up missed work, she had a hard time finishing those half page journal assignments.

I guess she earned a B on the journal assignment one marking period. If my memory serves…

Mom was mad.

She said, “My daughter is a great writer. She doesn’t need to do these assignments.”

She said, “My daughter is in student government. She doesn’t need to do these assignments.”

She said, “My daughter doesn’t get B’s.”

I don’t know if this was one phone call or three. I don’t remember if there were meetings, or if there were emails. I mean, there was email, like email was a thing… But not as much email. Maybe there was a hand written note from home!

I do know that the teacher across the hall, my mentor and friend Mardi helped me through this tricky situation. (And many more situations after this.)

She told me that sometimes you just have to ask, “What would you like me to do? What grade would you like your child to have?”

It doesn’t solve every issue, or every miscommunication. but, it does give pause.

I’m supposed to be a thermostat, not a thermometer.
Set the tone.
Co-regulate.
Be the change.

This morning in morning meeting my student teacher asks the kids to share their favorite sweet treat.

“Well…” someone starts to ask before we can begin, “can it be ice cream?”

Yes. Yes, it can be ice cream.

The kids start sharing around the circle and then someone interrupts.

“Can I choose tic tacs?”

Sure. Tic tacs. Why not?

More kids than you might think choose tic tacs as their favorite sweet treat.

The day goes by in a whirlwind of sweet learning and behavior reminders.

So many reminders.

Two outdoor recesses — phew.

At the end of the day we start talking about honesty.

“Is this because of the ball playing on the playground?” someone blurts out.

“No, she planned this lesson!”

The truth is, I am frustrated… by behavior and the tone of our community. But, I had already planned our lesson on honesty, I just need to tweak it a bit for the start of some restorative conversations.

I just need to set the tone.
Be a thermostat.

“Why is it important to be honest?” I ask them.

The kids share a lot about how if you aren’t honest then people can’t trust you.

“Yea. Like, if you say that you got a really great cake at… at… at… McDonalds,” someone starts.

“They don’t have cake at McDonalds!” a few kids exclaim.

I tell her to keep going, and she adds, “and then they go to McDonalds because they want to get a really great cake. But they get there and McDonalds tells them they don’t have cake! Now they won’t ever trust you.”

“Oh!” The kids who had judged so quickly realize that McDonald’s not having cake is the whole point.

Someone else tells another story about lying about something you could or couldn’t buy. I wonder why this is such a popular example in second grade. Have they had a lot of people recommend buying something that isn’t available or good?

Soon we move on, thank goodness.

The actual lesson is more about being honest with yourself about the strengths you have.

This is the tone I’m looking for… strengths! What you focus on grows. Let’s focus on our strengths! My lesson plan asks me to share some of my strengths with my class.

“One of my strengths is that I am kind,” I say, and a bunch of kids nod.

“I also know a lot about —-“

“Kids!” Someone interrupts.

“I know a lot about teaching,” I correct before asking them about their strengths.

“Gymnastics!”
“Football!”
”Ice skating!”

They are doing surprisingly well at talking about their strengths. Sometimes this is hard for kids.

But I am co-regulating, focusing on our strengths, setting a tone.

At least, I am trying. But it isn’t easy. Someone has a sweatshirt over his head, our average interuption rate is as high as ever, fidgets are being used as toys instead of tools.

Then, someone starts spitting up vanilla wafer water, and says, “I don’t even know what this is!”

“It’s probably water.” a classmate explains, and I tell her to go wash up.

“What other strengths do you have as a super power?” I ask the class.

“I’m really good at trash talking,” one of the kids says.

“I’m not sure that’s the kind of strength that is like a super power,” I explain.

“You really are good at trash talking,” someone says.

Two kids are still distracted by a fidget I asked them to put away at the start of a lesson, there are pockets of kids who, honestly, aren’t engaged in the conversation.

So, I call it. We pause the lesson, go back to our desks, and just sit in silence for a few minutes to end our day.

After school I had an electrician come to finish fixing my actual thermostat.
Now it will kick on the emergency heat gas furnace when it’s too cold for the heat pump, when the heat pump is working too hard.

And long story short, I’m wondering if my thermostat has an emergency switch for my brain. . .

You know, for when I’m working too hard.