#sol15 March 8 Run. Think.

March 8, 2015Slice of Lifeonathought

I am participating in the March Slice of Life Challenge: A slice a day for all of March. You should do it too! Thank you, Two Writing Teachers! Readers, check out their site, and start slicing!

Run. Think.

Before 
I argue with myself
I want to go
it will be so cold
running is hard
running is good
I gear up 
plan
think
fresh air 
sun
accomplishment 
coffee shop at finish

First step out the door 
a cold blast
I walk 
wait to begin
try to stretch
Music starts

I run 
Ugh
I'm slow
Why do I start up a hill? 
dumb 
It is cold
My toes are cold
My fingers too
I should have worn gloves
Maybe I’ll just run one mile
it's better than nothing, 
right?

I round the corner 
to a slight downhill
then straight
I settle in

Now I have to decide
Straight to more decisions the possibility of a short run
Or turn left, run farther from home where my only decisions are 2 miles or more 

I turn left 
with an immediate sense of regret
running is hard
now I'm hot
I wrestle my jacket off
tie it on my waist 
spend a few minutes distracted by tangled headphones 

Down a hill 
my app tells me its been a mile
I feel good!
If I can do 1 mile, I can do my Saturday 3
I remember this
how running is good 
not easy -- but fun
free
with loud music
a helpful beat

Up a hill
I tell myself that even
2 miles would be admirable
after all, I ran yesterday
the kids are waiting for me to come home
I am going to run again tomorrow

I hit my stride 
on a long stretch of straight and then down
I know it's because it's downhill
so I lengthen my gait 
I push it

The bottom of the hill has more decisions
straight and I can run to the track
finish up a 3.1 and walk the mile home
right and I will run all the way to the hill of doom
where I will certainly stop around 2.7 
but I will be so close to home
the finish
I'm thirsty
I'm a little bit bored. 
But that hill
I always stop on that hill
Mind over matter hasn’t worked 
-- yet

I go straight, 
right
left
stop at the l o n g traffic light
left all the way to the track 
2.74 is what my map tells me
when I see that the track is covered with snow
I take that as an excuse
to stop. 


I walk home 
with coffee
I think
Running is good

I wonder how much I'll run tomorrow.

#sol15 March 7: My problem with Saturdays

March 7, 2015Family, Slice of Lifeonathought

I am participating in the March Slice of Life Challenge: A slice a day for all of March. You should do it too! Thank you, Two Writing Teachers! Readers, check out their site, and start slicing!

Yesterday
Tomorrow it will feel so good to
do laundry
clean the bathroom
and the kitchen
I will help kids straighten up their rooms
fill bags for goodwill
get groceries
go on a run


Today
What a nice day to
let kids play
read blogs 
and comment for the commenting challenge
Maybe I'll take the kids to a movie
I'll still fit in the run
How much longer can I ignore the laundry?

This is why being a grown up isn't really working out for me. 

I tell my students to 
make a to do list
color code it
start with priority one
check things off, 
It will feel so good!
 
I tell my children to 
clean up after themselves
do their chores first

I sit at my dining room table
the sun is pouring in the window
the mess is all around me

I'm trying to motivate myself
To take my own advice. 

Wish me luck.

#sol15 March 6 Now and Then: A meeting

March 6, 2015Reflections on teaching, Slice of Lifeonathought

I am participating in the March Slice of Life Challenge: A slice a day for all of March. You should do it too! Thank you, Two Writing Teachers! Readers, check out their site, and start slicing!

Today I am a 6th grade teacher. I plan lessons, I love learning. I attempt to listen to my students more than I talk to them. I enjoy my school day and I try to balance my life as a teacher and a mom.

28 years ago, I was a fifth grader (I think I did that math correctly…) and I did not enjoy school. I was not having a good year. I cried myself to sleep every night. I missed my best friend, my old house, the way things used to be. I lived middle school in a daze. I moved from classroom to classroom. With so many teachers, I tried to learn, I think. But learning wasn’t my priority. Practicing math facts and spelling words were things people told me to do, not things I cared about. I had a headache every day. My teachers didn’t believe me. It was not a good year.

Today I sit with a student and his mom, 2 other teachers, and a guidance counselor. We are talking about organization and writing things in the assignment book. We discuss zoning out vs. paying attention to what is being said, and how to know what work needs to be done. It feels respectful, it feels like a team. My student is calm as he answers questions, and he listens as we explain. We tell him things like, “We know it’s hard” and “We’re here to help you.”

28 years ago, I was the student with my mom, in a room with my teachers, counselor and I think my principal too. I don’t remember why we were there exactly — a combination of my poor grades and my headaches that most of the teachers thought I was faking. I do not remember feeling calm. I remember feeling attacked and nervous. I remember my chin shaking as I stuck up for myself. I remember telling them that it wasn’t okay that Mr. R played music while we took quizzes, that I couldn’t concentrate. I remember Mrs. M joining my side, sticking up for me. I remember my mom telling them that I did indeed have headaches, that I was trying my best. I remember her telling me that I did a good job sticking up for myself in front of all of my teachers and the other adults.

Today I sit in a meeting and I find myself transported back to my meeting 28 years ago.

I hope my student feels it, the reason we are here. I hope he knows that we are trying to help him. I hope he knows this is a team.

As he leaves I say, “You did a great job talking to all of these adults! Thank you.”

#sol15 March 5 Bedtime Thoughts

March 5, 2015Family, Slice of Lifeonathought

I am participating in the March Slice of Life Challenge: A slice a day for all of March. You should do it too! Thank you, Two Writing Teachers! Readers, check out their site, and start slicing!

I’ve said goodnight and “I’ll check on you.” to L, and I snuggle in with E. He’s 5 and so tired. I know he’ll fall asleep soon. He talks himself to sleep these days. These late night dark chats are some of my favorites. He talks about the state facts he’s learned from his state book. He talks about his dreams, remembers fun and scary things from the past and tries to think through complex thoughts. Luckily, I have been able to record a few of his deep thoughts as he gets tangled up in circles:

I hope you have sweet dreams. No I hope you have sweet nightmares. I’m not saying that to you, I’m just saying what if like… wait. When you say… wait…Pretend that bad words don’t exist, and pretend this is a bad word… um… that nightmare is a bad word… um… and then think that… Mom? Then think that it’s an expression. You don’t say it, well don’t think it, you just don’t say ‘It’s like another words I want to say.’ Like when I said to you right now that you want to have happy nightmares.. you don’t have to say it’s another word… Why am I talking to you so much? You know why? It’s because I’m so awake! Mommy! I don’t need any blanket. I just need to love you. A few breaths later he is out like a light.

Meanwhile Mr. Thought is in a deep conversation with H.

“What’s your favorite part of your brain?” He asks our 8 year old.

H isn’t sure. “I don’t know.”

So Mr. Thought probes a bit more. “Is it how you can just learn something so fast like that magic trick you learned tonight?”

“Yea. I guess that’s my favorite.”

Feeling profound, Mr. Thought asks, “What’s your least favorite part of your brain?”

H thinks for a moment and then answers, “Oh. . . It’s how when I’m writing in cursive. You know how you are supposed to slant the page away to help you slant your writing when you write in cursive? Well, my brain always makes me write it straight. I can’t make the letters slanted, even though I’m trying to force my brain to make the letters follow the slant of the page.”

The specifics of an 8 year old. . . deep thoughts of my preschooler, what a night.

I check on my daughter one more time, and head downstairs.

#sol15 March 4: Yoga & Writing

March 4, 2015Slice of Lifeonathought

I am participating in the March Slice of Life Challenge: A slice a day for all of March. You should do it too! Thank you, Two Writing Teachers! Readers, check out their site, and start slicing!

I’m lying down in yoga class, and I’m thinking of something I want to write about. It is almost articulated in my mind.

It is not that I am so excited to wear my yoga pants for actual yoga. (Even though I am!)

It is not that this peaceful class, so quiet and calm with all its breathing, will be over and the welcome into the real world will be harsh and cold and loud. (Even though it will be.)

Thoughts are supposed to come without judgement during yoga. I am supposed to notice them and move on. But this is March, so I analyze and reflect and try to put into words… What is this slice that is flittering around my brain?

I’m twisted, my arms out in a T. My left leg is bent on top of my right leg. I am told to keep my shoulders pressed and grounded and I think I am. I feel twisted and I’m breathing my “complete breaths.” My teacher comes over to ask me how I’m doing. I nod and say “I’m good.”

She says “I’m just going to check your shoulder.” Her hand is able to go completely under my shoulder, which means my shoulder wasn’t where it was supposed to be. She gently pulls my arm into the correct position, and it is startling to me how different it feels. I thought I was twisted correctly, and doing fine. But then she corrects me. We switch to the other side, and I try to use what I learned, and let my shoulders fall into the floor. My teacher comes again, asking how I am doing. “I’m good.” I say. “I think.” I add. She checks, and I am better, but still need help putting my arms in the best spot. She gently leans on my shoulders pushing them farther down.

I continue to notice my shoulders and how they try to trick me throughout my yoga. They hold tension I don’t quite understand, and I often think I’ve relaxed into a position, only to notice that my shoulders are braced and tight.

I’m thinking about honesty. I’m thinking about yoga, and also writing. As my slicing muscles flex and bend again this March, I feel my writing so far, is like my yoga tonight. I think I am being authentic as I write. But when I reflect on my words, I am left feeling like there are words between my lines. They are waiting with tension: braced and tight. I’ll need to push myself, ground myself in this writing practice in order to relax — into honesty.

#sol15 March 3 The Silent Countdown

March 3, 2015Reflections on teaching, Slice of Lifeonathought

I am participating in the March Slice of Life Challenge: A slice a day for all of March. You should do it too! Thank you, Two Writing Teachers! Readers, check out their site, and start slicing!

The silent countdown has begun at school. It’s a shift in the air, imperceptible to some. But, I feel it.

I feel it in the hushed conversations, “Did you do that?” “Do your kids know that?”

I feel it in the paperwork I find in my “To File” pile, and take out to scrutinize.

I feel it in the student data I look at just to check one more time.

I feel it in the way I try to assure myself by listing things I have done.

And in the way I don’t believe my own list.

I feel it in the questions I ask myself: “Did you explicitly teach ‘dynamic character’ as a literary term? How about bias? Epic? Conflict? Exaggeration?” “Did you do enough close reading with this class?”

I feel it in all the things I have left that I want to teach.

And most of all, I feel it in my big yearly question: “Was the decision to teach the kids and not the test the right one?”

And, in my big answer: “Well, it’s too late now anyway!”

In about 5 weeks, our state testing begins.

Teachers aren’t allowed to opt out, you know.

#sol15 March 2: It’s so loud

March 2, 2015Slice of Lifeonathought

I am participating in the March Slice of Life Challenge: A slice a day for all of March. You should do it too! Thank you, Two Writing Teachers! Readers, check out their site, and start slicing!

It’s loud in here. I should wait to slice, but I’m afraid I’ll fall asleep and miss my chance.

Kids are wandering over to try to sit on my lap where my laptop is. L and Mr. Thought are laughing and playing hangman. My son is fake-reading my words and tickling me. I don’t need to tell you how messy my house is. People are climbing over and and leaning in. They are underfoot.

Not exactly a writer’s retreat. I can’t get a thought to finish in my head.

I try to think, I hear instead.

“What’s the one that’s famous for it’s spelling? The state?” (H asks me as he lounges on the back of the couch.

“No! I don’t want you to fight me!” (Pretend dinosaurs talking with E)

I think H might be falling asleep as he curls around the couch – marker on his hands, glasses still on. Teeth not yet brushed.

The dinosaurs aren’t fighting anymore, but the hangman game is in full swing.

“It’s not fair! I want to guess! It’s not fair! I want to guess! It’s not fair! I want to guess!” E yells.

It’s bedtime, and I’m hoping for quiet dreams after just a little bit of time to think.

#sol15 March 1 March comes in like a lion. AGAIN!

March 1, 2015Celebrate, Slice of Lifeonathought

I am participating in the March Slice of Life Challenge: A slice a day for all of March. You should do it too! Thank you, Two Writing Teachers! Readers, check out their site, and start slicing!

Can I Celebrate too? It's the weekend, and really I've been looking forward to March Slice of Life Challenge for awhile. I'm so happy to be slicing again! A streak of writing is just what my brain needs! A streak of connection and reflection... I also need a running streak. . . Maybe April!  Thanks Ruth Ayres for this wonderful link up!

March comes in like a lion. AGAIN!

It’s March. March! I sit at my dining room table watching snow fall. I am trite and boring: Last March seems like a decade ago, but also yesterday. Time flies. You can’t go back in time. The years are short but the days are long. Was it really a year ago that I did the slice challenge? March better leave like a lamb. I’m tired of snow. Was March always like this? It must be. I checked my own blog. I found this. So, Yes.

I’m worried this month, that my second March Slice a day challenge will be tougher than last year. I’m worried I have nothing new to say, that I will accidentally rewrite things I’ve already written. I’m trying to rein in my expectations. Is this your first time with the March challenge? What do you expect?

I expect blank screens,
I expect to hit delete
try new formats
enjoy the poetry of words
I will google words I should know to make sure I'm 
spelling them right
using them right
and basically not sounding like an idiot.

I will sometimes bore myself: select all, delete. 
I will make typos, I will go back and edit --
From my phone
Which will be annoying.

I will think about slices all day, 
I will be closely reading 
my day and weeding
for appropriate 
meaningful 
tiny tales to tell. 

I will submit 
way too many slices at 11:57 pm, 
and just a few in the middle of the day. 
Hurray! (in advance for those successful days)
 
I will get excited to see comments, and I will reply. 

I will read other bloggers' slices and be inspired, 
and more often than I care to admit, I will be jealous of their articulation.

I will annoy you, I'm sure 
with my 
line 
breaks 
and, my commas
(and my dogmas)

I expect I will grow as a writer
I will be fired up about the connections
The new blogs
The routine

The slices all around.

Happy March, Slicers!

Celebrating

February 7, 2015Celebrate, Familyonathought

I’m participating in Ruth Ayres Celebrate This Week. Check out the link up here.

Yesterday I wrote about my week in “failures.” Mostly because it felt like every day had a sigh-inducing moment (or 5). My friend told me that my posting “could be called week in being a super hero AKA mom….just lessons or merely experiences.”

I call this friend my Life Coach. She always has the best perspective. I’ve celebrated her before, and I’ll celebrate her again. A friend since preschool! Amazing. I’ll celebrate technology while I’m at it… Texting has been a great way for us to stay connected during our busy schedules.

My kids are in various stages of sick. So. . . I’m celebrating my husband: Partner in Hospital O’Thought here. I’m celebrating ginger ale, and sleeping bags, and Netflix.

It’s over 30 degrees today! I’m pre-celebrating the run that I’m hoping to take soon…(Thank you husband and Netflix once again!)

It’s so nice to take a moment to celebrate. It’s especially important after a tough week, a tough night with sick kids, in the middle of a messy house, with a pile of work waiting. If you haven’t yet… please take a moment to celebrate. Thanks Ruth Ayres for this awesome link up!

A week of Failures

February 6, 2015Family, Reflections on teachingonathought

This week of failures.
********

I put on a golden yellow t-shirt, matched perfectly with my scarf and notice a small hole
my sweater covers it up
pretty much
My daughter says"Don't worry about it! Why are you always worried about stuff like that? It doesn't matter. You should see what MY teacher wears."
At peace with my outfit, I pour some juice
grape, 100% (fights off stomach bugs, I hear)
and promptly spill
purple streaks on my golden yellow T
Decision made
Outfit changed
More laundry

*****************************
I teach
Area of a parallelogram
We draw triangles, and create rectangles
and try to remember formulas
and pencils
we always try to remember pencils
and math books
and notebooks
and how to stay on task
"How did we find the area of a rectangle?" I ask
"Base times height times 2?" they guess.
"Can I go to the bathroom?"
"When's our next field trip?"
"Did you watch the super bowl?"

**********************
My teaching partner and I stare at the released items
Practice for the state tests
A formula sheet that we hope our students understand
And word problems full of so. many. words.
We skip the "no calculator allowed" problems, nodding to each other that they make sense.
We stumble through one where the answer is-|3|<-|2|,-(-2)<-(-3)
Say that one out loud
And think of a struggling learner, reader, mathematician you know.
We get through the ratios, the rates, and the many
wordy
word problems.
We stumble again at a question asking us for an equivalent equation
I believe the goal is to assess the distributive property
and to trick the test taker
We peter out after a few tricky problems
After all, our planning period is almost over
My teaching partner reminds me,
"Wow. We were working on that for all of 10 minutes and I'm over it...and we skipped the ones we knew we could do if we HAD to."
The students HAVE to, and for how long?
An hour?
More?

******************
We finally hired people to finish fixing up our house
An Amish builder
detailed, friendly, fair
a craftsman
and his sons
Early each morning, my husband drives to get them and they begin their work.
I hate the mess they walk into each day
I imagine their house is not cluttered with
legos and mail, and so many shoes
I should spend my time on this --
straighten up
clean for these Amish builders
But I don't.
I'm busy or tired
or both
So they move the trays of legos, and then they put them back when they are done. They step over backpacks, and move the Cheerios to a different counter.
"Mommy. They organized our shoes, put them in order. They weren't even all put away before!" my children lament
Even they know this is ridiculous.

*************
We are out of class snacks
So I stick some popcorn in the microwave
"Ms. Thought? Um... Is something wrong with the microwave? It's smoking."
The room still smells of burnt popcorn as I get out the air popper
with it's missing top
That's okay, I balance a ceramic mug to keep the top closed
and the room is filled with the pop pop pop pop
and the burning smell is diminished some with the smell of fresh popcorn
Nacho cheese is the decided flavor packet, so I shake it on
I didn't know you aren't supposed to use the whole packet
Kids cough as they eat and realize my mistake
I make more popcorn to dilute the invisible cheese flavor
They drink water, and at least some of the kids say
"That's okay. I like this popcorn!"
***********

At home all the grape juice
didnt quite keep the stomach sick away
Poor sweet kids
Poor sleepy parents

Mr. Thought assures me.
"Next week will be better."