Category Archives: Slice of Life

The Not-So-Gentle Tug of Empathy

Part of Two Writing Teachers Slice of Life

Today
My dog, Finnegan
wanted to stop and sniff
More snow
I was running late
and I told him
again
that we needed to go home
I tugged
I won
we went
but my heart broke
a little for
Finnegan
even though my tug was gentle

I re-realized, a truth
I am not made for this sort of
stuff
This having a dog stuff

I realize
re-realized
isn’t a
real
word
but one I’ve
real-ized
because I re-realize
too often —
this empathy problem

Wouldn’t it be cool if I could syphon off just a bit of my empathy?
Give it to other people
in need?
When the screen comes up at the grocery store, instead of asking me to round up for charity, it could say
Would you care to offload some of your empathy?

I’d totally do it
So that
Every day at school
When kids are
Hurt
Or even
Gently tugged
Or
God, when they are
Misunderstood
In trouble
I wouldn’t have to re-realize a truth
I am not made for this sort of stuff
this teaching stuff

I think about a conversation I overheard months ago
between two first-graders on the back of the rug

Wanna come to my house after school?

No.

(Pause
Head Down)


Can we go to your house?

No.

Heartbreaking.

One day a few months ago, I was driving to one meeting or another
trying to convince myself to
let it go
to
not care about an issue
that had been getting me riled up
and then I re-realized that I work with
real kids
and their
real teachers
so instead of letting it go
I cried the whole way to my meeting

This is not an interview
I’m not trying to bamboozle you
My greatest weakness?
Oh, I care
too much
.

I’m just saying
I’m not made for this sort of stuff
I do care
too much.

Heartbreaking.

It’s Not Just Acorns

A day late, but part of Two Writing Teachers Slice of Life

Sometimes the acorns are crunchier under foot than other times
ever put your foot down expecting
the crunch
but instead all you get is a mushy bend?
I think about you every time I see an acorn though
especially as I decide to risk the bendy failure
try the crunch

One time you asked me where I got my grey fleece coat
said you wanted a fleece like it
that would cover your butt
so when I put that coat on today
I thought of you
it has a broken zipper now —
on my list to get fixed

TJ Maxx
that’s where I got it
but I don’t think you ever found one
I don’t know
it was a long time ago
and you ran out of time
for fleece jackets

Not to make it about me, but
how strange to have such a good friend through such different phases of your life
die
before the next phase of your life
how odd to have someone
gone
before the arc of your friendship got a chance to continue

Sometimes I think
wow
you never knew that happened
you weren’t here for that crazy time
you were gone before that changed
you didn’t get to see that he turned out to be an asshole
then I realize you probably knew
-know
all the things

It’s naive
I would be
naive
if I thought these were fresh thoughts
about death and grief
I’m not
naive
I know I’m
lucky to have not known more
grief

You used to read my words and email back
I wonder what you would write for this
you would say
amen
well-said
and by the way the arc is still there, friend
let’s walk and crunch acorns together
also, get that zipper fixed – want me to take it in to the place that fixed my zipper in 2005?

I closed my eyes
thought what if you can just
ask for someone’s spirit to come?
I thought of you, said your name in my head
and I wondered if you were sitting on the edge of my couch
but I didn’t want to open my eyes to check
is that faith?

Have You Ever Been in First Grade for Writing?

Part of Slice of Life on Two Writing Teachers

First graders started an informational writing unit today.

Have you been in first grade for writing?

The first lesson introduces them with a “drumroll” to get them excited about writing teaching books. I’m wondering if they even need a drumroll, because first-graders bring their own drumroll.

We started by investigating the difference between the storytelling they have been doing and the teaching books they were about to start.

Almost right away, a girl sitting on the front of the rug was smiling.

“I’ve been waiting for this all year,” she told me. “I knew it would happen. I’ve had something I’ve been waiting to write about!”

See? Drumroll.

I asked her what she wanted to write about and she explained how she wanted to teach people how to make the special bracelets she could make.

We talked about teaching books, I planned out a book about having pets, I showed them how to collect some ideas of things they could write about. At first my authentic on-the-spot idea generation went just fine —

“I could write about pets, yes. But I’m also thinking of things I love to do. I could write about road trips! What else could I write about? I could think of places I love. Oh! I could write a book to teach all about Ocean City!”

But then I was stuck. I needed them to help me with some things they think I might be an expert at.

“What do you love? What could you write about? Maybe I can get an idea from you. Sometimes writers need to hear ideas to think of ideas.”

“You could write about what to do at the beach,” someone said.

And then, like they know my own heart, a first-grader suggested I could write about how to take care of things like markers and how you need to put the cap fully on.

“Do you mean I could write about school supplies? Did you know I love school supplies? Did you know I definitely can write a teaching book all about school supplies?”

Then it was time for the kids to record some ideas for their own teaching books.

Most kids got right to work. They wanted to write about pets, and crafts, and video games and glass, and lightning — and school supplies.

A few kids had to think for a moment.

One girl was stuck. Her head was down.

I asked her all the questions.

“What do you like to do when you aren’t at school?”

Silence

“Do you have a favorite game or craft?”

Silence

“Do you love a certain kind of food?

Silence

I interrupted the whole class to remind them all of some of the things they could be thinking about, and to give this girl a moment to hear the idea starters again.

I walked away to give her space, but practically ran back over when I noticed she was writing something on her page.

She was still looking grouchy, but she asked, “How do you spell Myrtle Beach?”

*****

Before writing we had number corner math, and before that we had morning meetings complete with sharing.

Have you been in first grade for sharing?

One boy shared that he was so excited for snow. He can’t wait to play in the snow.

“Did you know it is snowing right now?” Another student asked him.

“Did you see there was some snow on the ground this morning?” The teacher asked the class.

“I didn’t even look in my backyard when I woke up,” a student on the rug said.

A kid still at a table stopped eating his breakfast to tell the class, “I do not even want to tell you guys how much snow was in my backyard! It was a lot.”

Then everyone joined in.

“I can’t wait to sled and build a snowman!”

“And throw snowballs!”

“And catch snow on my tongue!”

The snow was a big deal. You should have have been there later when we were doing some dictation spelling, really working hard on following directions. Someone noticed that it was snowing again.

Have you been in first grade when they notice the snow out the window?

*****

After students generated some ideas for writing, we brought them back to the rug to write a class book.

I started with an idea.

“I was thinking that that we could write something together that we are all experts on. You all come to school each day. How many of you think you can be an expert on what it means to be a first-grader? Put a thumb up if you think you could teach someone about coming to school.”

Maybe 3 kids put their thumbs up. I wouldn’t describe them as excited or even engaged.

“But then this morning,” I added, “you all were talking a lot about snow. I wonder if maybe this is a class of experts about snow. Thumbs up if you think you could help teach about snow.”

Almost everyone held their thumb up. A teaching book about snow it was! Students partnered up and talked about what could be in our book. “Sledding! Snow pants! No school!”

Then, we decided together that we would need a sections: What you can do in the snow; what to wear in the snow; what not to do in the snow; what you have to do in the snow. Then we planned out what kinds of things might go in each section.

I thought the category of “what you have to do in the snow” would be full of things like shoveling, dressing warmly, even canceling school. But when we got to that section, the brainstorm went a little differently.

“So what do we have to do when it snows?” I asked.

“Go outside!”

“Play outside!

“Hmmm,” I said. “That’s a pretty cool way to think of this section. Maybe we have to change what we are calling this part, but I actually really like the voice you are adding here. What do we have to do when it snows? Play, of course!”

“You also have to have hot cocoa,” a student added.

I wrote these down on our note collector under the document camera, and when I wrote “Have hot cocoa,” the kids cheered. I think they were excited we were changing the category to what kids say you have to do when it snows.

We had done a lot in writing, and it was time for math.

“But. But. We didn’t WRITE!” I heard my friend from the front of the carpet exclaim. She looked at me with so much disappointment.

I reminded her with a smile that we had planned a lot of our writing, and written our idea sheet, and started our class book.

But note to self – more writing time, more writing time, more writing time.

Tomorrow they will write their first teaching books, about the things they decide to write, about the things they think they are experts on. I can’t wait to see what they write.

I mean, a book about glass?

Have you ever been with a first-grade expert writing a teaching book about glass?

****

Help to Scar

Part of Slice of Life on Two Writing Teachers

Our eyes still sting from crying and once someone told me to tell stories from scars
not
fresh wounds
like this

My son keeps thinking the shoes in the middle of the floor are the cat we just put down 7 hours ago

Although –

I still think I see Theodore
who died 7
weeks
ago
every time I walk into my room and see the cats’ water fountain out of the corner of my eye

Oh. Wait. That’s the
cat’s
water
singular

One cat now
down from 3

This is a fresh wound

The vet said
the last thing to stop is the heart

I found myself repeating that in my brain
over and over
as she put her stethoscope to my
not-even-two-year-old cat’s chest

The last thing to stop is the heart

After she left me there to say goodbye to him
to Clyde
that’s his name, I’d like you to remember him with his name
Clyde
Clyde-o
Pinky Toe
Stinky man

After she left me to say goodbye to Clyde
I repeated it again

The last thing to stop is the heart

And I took out my phone and typed that in my notes

It was it’s own poem

And I know from experience
unfortunately
That writing from fresh wounds helps them scar

The last thing to stop is the heart
before that, his breathing stopped
that was quick
but before that it took him extra shots to settle down
before his hissing stopped
and his growls when I pet him
before that he let me scratch the top of his head and stroke his mitten paws
before that he let me
hold
him

Dying is stopping
I know this

stop
peeing
playing
eating
hissing
growling
breathing
and then
the last thing to stop
is the heart

Clyde, holding my hands, as special cats do.

Dog Park Sage

Part of Slice of Life on Two Writing Teachers

I’m still thinking about the
pregnant woman at the dog park

She’s due in 2 months
Her dog has 2 months
to live

She had been expecting adorable
Golden and baby days
And now she will be saying goodbye
to her fur baby and hello to her new baby

“We don’t know,”
she says,
“Would we be crazy
to get a new puppy?”

I paused
I’m too young to be the old woman looking back like this—
advising

“Well,
people do it,”
I landed on
and then quickly added,
“but I don’t recommend it”

A father and a toddler brought their husky
and he leaned down with his daughter
who said,
“Dog!”
“Dog!”
“Dog!”
as dogs ran and jumped and played
and came by her to say hello
“Kiss!”
she said when my dog sniffed her cheek
I apologized of course
”It’s okay,” her dad said,
”I’m here and we’re just setting our own boundaries
We’re okay”

Later he let his daughter roam a few steps ahead of him
she pointed at each dog
”Friend!”
and wanted to share their toys

“Do you miss that age?”
The pregnant mom asked me

My mind imploded with that thing movies try to show you —
flashbacks through your whole life

It’s really an unanswerable question –
Do I miss that age?

Yes
there is nothing like it
I would go back in time if I could to get another
snuggle filled day
middle of the night feeding
walk with my two-year old’s hand in mine
a baby in my lap talking to me, nose to nose

Of course it was exhausting
a decade of sleep deprivation
touched out days
so much taking care
of
all the little people

And
now there’s magic in
older kids —
hilarious
smart
independent
older kids

Do I miss that age?

I finally answered
“Yes.
It is the cutest time
with all the words”

“So cute,” she said

“And hard!” I added
and we talk about the middle of the night feedings
all the rocking
I tell her about how after I read something about moms all over the world up feeding and rocking in the middle of the night, I never felt quite as stressed about it
I wasn’t alone

I laughed to this soon-to-be-mom,
“Now I’m the old woman with advice again…
It will go so fast
Enjoy those baby snuggles
Sleep when the baby sleeps!”

I wonder if she was sad
I think she must have been
as she watched the the toddler point at the dogs

Her dog will be
gone
long before
her baby has a chance to say
“Dog!”
”Kiss!”
“Friend!”

Talula

It’s Talula’s birthday
She is shy
Likes to sleep in corners, dressers, cabinets even
Hides from guests

She used to snuggle Theo
She used to play fetch sometimes
Bringing the toy back for more
Better than my dog

Now she likes to stay upstairs mostly
I feel guilty playing fetch downstairs with Clyde
Who is also
Better than my dog

When Talula and Clyde see each other
They both crouch
Hiss, growl
Sometimes next to the Multi-Cat pheromone diffuser meant to calm them

Why can’t you get along? I ask them
You could be best friends!
You both love fetch!
You both miss Theo!

We love Talula’s golden nose and chin
Her wide bright eyes
And how she chose us in the cat room
By falling asleep in my arms

Theodore Hobbes

Part of Slice of Life Writing on Two Writing Teachers.

There’s a video of Theodore that I can’t stop watching. He’s on his back, on my lap, purring.

It’s the purr
the reach of his paw
the pink of his nose
his eyes staring at me

It’s his back legs resting on a pillow

He was sick on Saturday.
He died on Sunday.

My youngest keeps saying “He was just so young.”

Before I took him to the emergency vet, I had to look up his birthday. I couldn’t remember which year we adopted him.

Born in 2017
Home in 2018
Died in 2023

He was just so young.

For the first couple of years he and his sister Talula had to be isolated away from the dog. Thank goodness we finally got our dog Finn trained, but I can’t stop thinking of those wasted years when he didn’t have the run of the house. I’m sorry, Theodore.

He was the fluffiest cat I’ve ever had.
His name was Theodore Hobbes
We called him Theo
and somehow the kids called him Bearlious
and I was known to
occasionally
call him
fluffer-nutter-peanut-butter.

He was the sweetest.

He used to wake up from his nap to check on the other cats and the dog whenever there was a little scuffle. When our newest kitten Clyde got into it with Finn, Theo would shuffle in, usually still groggy. He would walk over to Finn and give him a swat.

He liked to sleep on my head at night, and swat all my things off my nightstand in the early morning.

The vet said his urinary blockage was most likely caused by stress. It could have been his change in routine after Clyde came home from surgery and was isolated in my room for two weeks. (No head sleeping for Theodore.) It could have been something we weren’t even aware of, like a new cat in the neighborhood.

Clyde is our baby cat. He had a urinary blockage problem and needed surgery a few weeks ago. But Theodore? Theodore never had this problem. I don’t understand.

I miss him, and I don’t understand.

Did he try to take care of Clyde by taking Clyde’s health problem? Seems like a crazy question unless you ever met Theodore and watched him take care of his family.

He used to love sitting by the window next to the frontdoor — the one he could just reach — and just stare.

Sometimes you’d walk into a room and he was sitting in front of a mirror just looking at himself.

Usually you’d walk into a room and he was napping.

If you were lucky enough to have him sit on your lap, like I was most mornings, you would have a chance to scritch and scratch his soft, soft fluffy self.

Scratch him in the right spot and he’d lick his front leg. Without fail. Full of party tricks, this one.

Grief is full of wishes.
I wish I snuggled him even more.
I wish I never got annoyed when he tried to sleep on my head while I was reading in bed.
I wish I took him to the vet sooner this past weekend.
I wish we had more time with him.

We miss him so much here.

But, I know Theodore is fine wherever he is.

What do I know about cat after-life, but that he’s free of any pain.

I just hope that somehow he is in a lap
purring
reaching his paws —
and that somebody
is loving his
pink pink nose
his pink pink toes
and his fluff
oh
that fluff

September 26

Part of Slice of Life Writing by Two Writing Teachers


I might have a cold coming on,
or is it allergies?
my son made me hot cocoa
he wasn’t even making it for himself
just for me
with maple mini marshmallows
was it the smooth hot drink
or the kindness that made my throat
forget to be scratchy?

these rainy September days
the coziest
stay inside days
I love sweater weather!
but also
note to self
find the therapy lamp
because the sun is not around so much

I’m exhausted
are you?

Just Call me Ma

Part of Slice of Life Writing, from Two Writing Teachers

I’m glad I watched so much Little House on the Prairie when
I was a kid
and when my daughter
was a kid

I feel it has prepared me

My daughter was madly in love with Charles
Who wouldn’t be?
Pa Ingalls
Working, farming, playing the fiddle
Played by Michael Landon

But, it’s Ma Ingalls I was thinking about today
She worked and farmed too – sure
She sewed everyone’s clothes – yep
Once she had to cut open her own leg
when it was infected and she was alone – of course
Plus, she made breakfast for everyone

This morning I realized I needed to rewash my dishes
Since my neighborhood is under a boil water advisory
I realized I needed to repack my son’s lunch
Rewash his strawberries
Maybe not drink the coffee I had set up the night before

I boiled water in a kettle
Let it cool a bit
Washed the strawberries
and all the lunch containers
with safe, boiled water

So you can just call me Ma

I mean, then I told my kids to grab a granola bar, and I stopped at Starbucks on the way to an appointment —

But still.

You did Slice of Life with us in third grade!

“You did slice of life with us in third grade!”

That’s how one fifth-grader remembers me.

Today was the first day of school, and soon, if I’m lucky, I’ll get to write with kids again.

So.

I was thinking.

For months I’ve been paused.

“Prewriting!” My writing friend says.

If I’m going to teach kids about writing —

I better start writing again.