SATs

March 8, 2024Family, Reflections on teaching, Slice of Lifeonathought

It’s no secret: I’m no fan of standardized tests. But, I am a fan of my son so when he asked me to sit with him tonight to do a practice SAT, I was happy to oblige. I have a lot of reflections, but honestly – watching someone take a practice SAT is exhausting.

So here’s an SAT for you. Good luck!

1. What is the best way to complete this sentence in standard English?

If you haven’t sat next to my son as he takes a practice SAT ____.

A) , I dare you to try.

B) then you might not know the truth. He’s smarter than he thinks he is, and probably smarter than you.

C) how can you call yourself his parent?

D) All of the above

2. What is the theme, or lesson of the following short story?

One evening a mom sat with her 17 year old as he completed one more practice SAT before test day. He had asked for her help, but didn’t really want her to talk. So, she stared at the screen, happy when she knew an answer, which was not often once he got to the math sections. The English part was okay, although she wasn’t sure why the SAT folks think that commas and semicolons are so very important. She wondered if the SATs were this tricky when she was in high school, and what would happen if adults had to keep taking the SATs every few years.

She made some vegan Mac and cheese for dinner since her son was hangry. But she had to do it in short intervals since she didn’t want to miss any of the riveting practice questions. Luckily there was a break between the English sections and the math sections! When the math started, her son answered math questions the same way he has always answered math questions: with strategies that to the untrained ear sound like they would never result in the right answer, but somehow they do. The mom found herself daydreaming, remembering her son in elementary school solving multiplication problems.

“Maybe she should record him solving a problem,” she thought, since she could never make up an example of his problem-solving to explain it to other people. She was jolted from her daydream by the expletives muttered to the computer screen. Her son has recently been certain that there’s no way he will get into college. The stress was high! The test clock ticked and the questions got harder. Her son was tired, feeling rushed. He finally stated it would be better for his mental health and skipped the last few tricky math problems. But, he still got a higher score than she had decades earlier.

A) Moms who sit by their 17 year-olds doing SATs deserve an honorary 1600 on the SATs.

B) Math algorithms aren’t all they’re cracked up to be, and neither are SATs.

C) If you want to succeed in life, make sure you really, really, really, really understand commas and semicolons; i.e. grammar is probably the most important part of reading and writing (and actually life.)

D) Extra time is a great testing accommodation, but we should really think of a way to let kids curse at their computers while they are testing.

3. If a student were researching testing by taking notes on this website and wanted to prove that moms are better than SATs, which note would be the best data point?

A) She was jolted from her daydream by the expletives

B) Her son was tired, feeling rushed and skipped the last few tricky math problems, but still got a higher score than she had decades earlier.

C) semicolons are very important

D) She made some vegan Mac and cheese for dinner since her son was hangry.

What do you notice on a quiet day?

March 7, 2024Slice of Lifeonathought

What do you notice on a quiet day?

I passed a man on the phone outside of Home Goods
Heard him say calmly,
“Well, the big thing for me is, I got blood vessel deterioration in the brain.”

I kept repeating his words in my head, I didn’t want to lose them
Well, the big thing for me is, I got blood vessel deterioration in the brain.Well, the big thing for me is, I got blood vessel deterioration in the brain.Well, the big thing for me is, I got blood vessel deterioration in the brain.Well, the big thing for me is, I got blood vessel deterioration in the brain.Well, the big thing for me is, I got blood vessel deterioration in the brain…

Just before, there had been an elderly woman with her daughter ahead of me.
The checkout lady tried to convince her get the store credit card.
Her daughter was silent.
Was she even paying attention?
As her mom was about to sign-up she finally spoke,
”Mom. It’s a credit card. Do you want a credit card?”
I had wondered if this was the daughter’s technique.
Was she giving her elderly mom independence?
Or, was she annoyed and ignoring?
Either way she stepped in.

Now, I see them walking to their car ahead of me,
the mother’s arm in her daughter’s.

I walked to my car thinking about how
fleeting life is.
Everyone gets old.
Blood vessels deteriorate.
I’m the daughter who will help my mother to the car.
I’m the mother who will one day put my arm in my daughters.
Oh, and also, how death is around the corner.

That’s when I told myself to
stop noticing
so much.
What we notice makes our world, I guess.
So, I told myself to notice the sun,
blue sky
crisp air
instead.

On the drive home I wondered
would it be easier to
not notice?
Maybe it’s better to go through life
in the moment
not making connections and stories.

Or, would I rather be this
person who notices too much?

And also – I really hope that man’s blood vessel situation is treatable.

A Hullabaloo

March 6, 2024Family, Slice of Lifeonathought

“Oh,” I remind my son, “Your TJ Maxx bags are back there too.”

“My God, mom. Can you just let me bring things in without it being such a hullabaloo?”

As I walk in with the Trader Joe’s bags, I think to myself how the things you might say to your friends and they would either think nothing of, or literally thank you for saying are things that can make teenagers so very, very, very mad at you.

That, or, my friends are just constantly repressing their absolute annoyance at me.

There’s nothing like parenting teenagers to make you wonder if you are a regular person with friends who actually love and appreciate you… or maybe you are actually an annoying, ridiculous, strict, rule-following, rule-making-up embarrassment to society.

I tell my 14 year-old this idea that he gets so mad at things that when I say to adults, they usually thank me. He needs an example, of course, and I point out how just a couple minutes before he was so mad when I reminded him there were other bags in the back seat.

He explains that it makes him feel stupid when I give him reminders of things he obviously knows. This is a valid feeling, but I remind him that there is no way I’d ever think he was stupid.

This tends to be how parenting goes these days.

At least they balance it out with being super sweet, and also hilarious.

“I’m just trying to teach you how to be a person!” I said recently, after my 14 year old was so annoyed by the way I was trying to help him figure out how and what to pack for a trip.

“I’m already more of a person than—” he started and I raised my eyebrows.

“Than Finn will ever be!” he finished, naming our dog, of course.

They’re stuck with me, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I just might need extra reminders (for the next few years) from adults that the things I’m saying are rational, normal things.

And if they aren’t, just lie to me and say they are. Or, at the very least, break it to me gently that I am actually as weird as my kids think I am.

Pour Over

March 5, 2024Family, Slice of Lifeonathought

I’ve been burned before by Airbnb listings that say there is coffee but there isn’t, so I was sure to double check before leaving for this last Airbnb.

“There is! Fair trade and organic” was the host’s answer, so I was happy to not have to pack coffee.

I smile when I see the coffee maker, though.

It’s not that I can’t figure out the mechanics of this pour over coffee maker, it’s that I don’t know what the ratio of coffee to water is, and it looks like that’s a metal filter, but there are also paper filters, and it’s already bedtime. I really should figure it out now.

Time to find the coffee. Fortunately, this particular cabinet is labeled.

Unfortunately, the coffee is not what I expected.

Fortunately, I know how to use a coffee grinder. It just makes me laugh. Also, now I need to figure it out before bed so the sound of the grinding coffee doesn’t wake everyone up too early in the morning.

Somehow google is not as helpful as I want it to be. It’s all complicated diagrams and things in grams. The electric kettle they show does almost exactly match the one next to the coffeemaker though, so that’s good news.

I decide to just estimate the amount, and use the advice I see to wet the paper filter.

Unfortunately the coffee grinder doesn’t seem to work. Fortunately, that’s just the outlet.

In the morning my daughter gets the coffee party started. We enjoy the time figuring out an outlet for the kettle and the ratio of the coffee, and then watching the water drip, drip, drip.

We agree that this is a little like Little House on the Prairie, especially because this Airbnb doesn’t have any paper towels, or kitchen towels, or plastic trash bags for wet coffee filters. I hand a dripping rinsed coffee mug to her and she says, “At least Ma had like a rag to dry things off. Or, did she use an apron?”

None of it matters though, because I would drip hot water over any kind of coffee beans, ground or not in order to sit with my college daughter for coffee any morning, any time.

The next morning, she’s back at her dorm. I’m making coffee myself missing her. The boys and I will be checking out of this Airbnb any minute.

I watch the coffee drip, drip, drip.

I wonder why watching coffee slowly drip is something I can only appreciate on vacation.

I throw the wet coffee filter into the plastic bag we brought from our dinner last night.

My daughter texts me that she made her espresso this morning and actually kinda misses the fun coffee drip method.

And I write.

(And now my coffee is cold.)

Bookstore Noticings

March 4, 2024Family, Slice of Lifeonathought

Being mindful of the moment is nice but
Can you do too much noticing?
This is my thought today
at the bookstore
riding the escalator back up to find my kids

I had gone down the elevator
since the down escalator was broken
and I guess there were no stairs
which upon reflection seems odd

The elevator had been dark and creepy
The bathroom had a dispenser labeled “Healthy Soap”
what’s the other kind?
The sale table had the cutest multiple choice bag
50% off but if I got it,
would I be a walking advertisement for standardized tests?

Riding the one working escalator up
I heard a kid, not mine, yell
“No! I have too many at home.”
books, I think, he must be talking about books
“Jimmy!” He yelled, excited
“Watch me!”
I sensed, with my mom-senses, him running towards the broken escalator

“Max. Don’t!” a grown-up said
calm, firm
I laughed because it’s nice to be out of those days
of hoping my kids don’t climb broken escalators
and then I laughed because that’s both true
and not true

I found my kids near the games
searching for games I wouldn’t buy them
lightly arguing about where to get dinner
we walked to the elevator
my middle child, 17 now, started towards the broken down escalator
mumbling something about how
he could still use it

Infixes *Please excuse my only slightly censored language”

March 3, 2024Family, Slice of Lifeonathought

You just don’t know what 17 year-olds are going to say. This is the one thing about parenting that I feel I can say with confidence.

Like today in the van for example, when my 17 year old was telling my 14 year about some suffixes. I believe they started by talking about the words ending in “some.” They were intrigued by awesome being used in place of “amazing,” when it really should mean causing awe.

“Do you know what a suffix is?” H asked.

E started to answer, but H interrupted to say, “I was asking mom.”

I answered, and then was quizzed on prefix and affix. And then he started telling me about infixes – an affix in the middle of a word.

“It’s too bad you can’t teach kids this,” he said, and I wondered why he was thinking that.

“Really there’s only one infix, and it’s f***. Like in ‘absof***inglutely.’”

“Ahhh,” I said, “Like Ms. McDonough’s Valentine.”

I didn’t need to remind him of when he was making Valentine’s for his whole class and all of his teachers and he got to Ms. McDonough. He was doing an acrostic poem for her and needed a u adjective. We looked up a list of “positive u adjectives” and unf***withable was on the list. Fortunately and unfortunately, this was the perfect, if unusable adjective for his amazing teacher, one of my best friends, now gone.

You see, when your son’s teacher is his mom’s friend, an amazing meet-once-in-your-your-lifetime woman who was truly unf***withable, even before she battled cancer… you do contemplate letting your sixth-grader write unf***withable on his Valentine’s affirmation. (Instead you just text her the word.)

And, if you’re judging me about my kids’ language — which surely some of you are, at a certain point after going through things… you decide it’s okay for your teenagers to use the words they want to use. And you hope that maybe one day they might describe you and themselves as unf***withable too.

“Well yea,” H said. “But that isn’t really in infix. It isn’t interrupting a word in the same way.”

The conversation shifted a bit. We talked about our dog’s upcoming birthday, when suddenly H looked up from his phone,

“Oh my God.” He said, startling me.

“What now?” I asked him, not expecting his next query, and laughing as soon as he asked it with a lot of passion:

“What is your opinion on split infinitives?”

Regrets of Kindness

March 2, 2024Slice of Lifeonathought

Regrets of Kindness

Regrets
Off the top of my head

Someone once said
you don’t regret
being kind

But I kind
of do
(It’s the closest I can get to
regretting you)

I think my
anger
is a sign
here
of this regret of mine

Do you wonder
how
I could regret
being kind?

I think maybe
kindness is overrated
simply stated
it got me nothing in return

I also regret
understanding
empathizing
rationalizing

So
with no explanation
and in no particular order
I give you

a few
of
my
regrets

as I see them today

I regret
not throwing things
out of windows
out of cars
out of proportion

I regret
keeping identities quiet
not
singing them loud for all to hear
on a
stage

I regret
making
things
like excuses
time
and dinner

I regret
listening
listening
listening
listening

I regret
no 5150 no 302
I could have petitioned
I should have insisted
instead, again, I excused

We are meant to
learn from our past
regrets
no repeats
So please
from now on
expect me
to only be
kind
of a bitch

Like my shoes?

March 1, 2024Slice of Lifeonathought

I sent my daughter a picture of these cat shoes when I decided to buy them at TJ Maxx a couple of weeks ago.

I think I said something like “I’m going to get these cat shoes and I don’t care if they aren’t cool.”

All those cats on these super comfy shoes. What’s not to love? They make me happy.

I have worn them to school a few times. They make me smile.

In fact, even just planning to wear them brings me joy.

I have gotten a few compliments on them, even. A teacher I work with said she has the dog version. I’ve had multiple conversations with people about how it’s fun to have fun, happy shoes.

These are fun, happy shoes.

Today in the middle of a meeting, I looked down at my happy shoes, and I thought to myself, “Hmmm…that decoration on the laces that I thought just said ‘Sketchers’ actually says ‘Machine Washable.’”

“I think that is actually a sticker on that decorative shoelace charm thing.” I thought

So, like I’d like to think any rational person would do during a meeting while they are sitting next to their boss, I tried to pick the sticker off.

It felt a little funny.

That’s when I realized it wasn’t a sticker on a shoelace charm. It was a cardboard tag on the laces, advertising that my shoes are machine washable.

In fact, it ripped right off.

I tore the tags off of my shoes, put the tag trash in my backpack, and went back to taking meeting notes.

I’m still laughing.

This was not the first day I wore these shoes. In fact, when I put them on the first time, I double checked that I hadn’t left a tag on the back of the shoe.

People have complimented me on these shoes. This means they have looked at them, right?

These shoes have made me smile.
And now these shoes have made me laugh…

At myself.

And wonder how many people have been laughing at me!

A Book Club Slice

February 27, 2024Family, Slice of Lifeonathought

Part of Two Writing Teachers Slice of Life

I’m looking across the circle at family book club. Moms and dads and their kids are sitting together, and we are sharing out to the whole group.

The kids are quiet, shy in the way kids get when it’s evening and they are with their parents and teachers and principal, all in the school library.

A third-grader seems to want to say something, but she puts her head down, shoulders up, not sure if she wants to speak. Her mom smiles at her, encouraging.

There’s something about the exchange that takes me briefly back in time.

My daughter and I went to a book club together – a Mothers and daughters book club. We met at the library every so often. We talked about a book we had read, did a craft.

We didn’t always finish the book we were supposed to read, but we went, we did the craft, we talked.

I don’t remember the books, I have a sliver of memory of one or two of the crafts.

But, I can picture the photograph of us laughing during one of those book clubs – it hangs in my parent’s house. And, I remember the feeling: sitting next to my young daughter, encouraging her to speak.

Journaling Suggestion

February 20, 2024Slice of Lifeonathought

Part of Two Writing Teachers Slice of Life

Reminders aren’t working. Last March I set a reminder on WordPress – and I never turned it off. So every day at 10:00 in the morning, my phone notifies me that is time to blog.

Yet, I do not blog every day, or even every Tuesday.

My latest phone software update added a journaling app. I explored it a bit, and now it sends me reminders every day at 10:00 at night. “New Journaling Suggestion” it says. Every night.

Yet, I haven’t written in that journal. Not even once.

It’s a little creepy how the journaling app uses phone data to suggest things from my day that I might want to write about. Today it wonders if I might want to write about my “Afternoon visit near the dentist.”

I mean, sure. I can do that. If you insist.

I was near the dentist. Very near. Okay, I was at the dentist.

I always hope for a reason to cancel my dentist appointments, but today I just had to make myself go. Adulting, right? Later the dentist even thanked me for taking time out of my afternoon to spend with them. So I feel this appointment was like a gift I could give their whole office.

I was even early enough to do some work in the van before heading in, because why wouldn’t you use your sick time to catch up on a few things for school?

I’m not sure why I try to avoid the dentist when it’s actually fine. It’s good to get your teeth cleaned and checked! My dentist is nice, the hygienists are nice too. The one I had today hadn’t seen me since the divorce, I guess. She wondered about my name change, told me she hasn’t seen my ex husband for awhile either.

In completely unrelated news, I didn’t even ask her to jab anyone extra hard with the dental pick next time she sees them. Points for me!

The hygienist looked at a place on one of my teeth they have been keeping an eye on. She told me that all would depend on which dentist came to check on me. My usual dentist is a conservative watch and wait kind of guy. The new, fresh out of school dentist is more likely to want to do more.

My mouth was too busy to engage in a conversation about consistency of care. But I did wonder. Like if the new dentist came to check on me, and told me I needed to get a filling, could I just yell for my regular dentist? Would he hear me? Would he understand what I was saying while the new dentist’s fingers were in my mouth? Would he help me?

I worried for nothing. The new dentist was nice, definitely fresh out of school. And he isn’t worried about any of my teeth. His check up was so different from what my regular dentist usually does though. Do I just not remember having to turn my head from side to side, having my throat pressed on, the under the tongue check?

No signs of mouth cancer though. That’s what he told me anyway.

There’s something I didn’t even know to be anxious about at my dental check-ups. Cool.

Come to think of it, maybe this iPhone journaling prompt thing will come in handy in March. I would never have thought to write about going to the dentist.

Don’t worry though, I don’t plan on going back to the dentist for another 6 months.