Sometimes the acorns are crunchier under foot than other times
ever put your foot down expecting
the crunch
but instead all you get is a mushy bend?
I think about you every time I see an acorn though
especially as I decide to risk the bendy failure
try the crunch

One time you asked me where I got my grey fleece coat
said you wanted a fleece like it
that would cover your butt
so when I put that coat on today
I thought of you
it has a broken zipper now —
on my list to get fixed

TJ Maxx
that’s where I got it
but I don’t think you ever found one
I don’t know
it was a long time ago
and you ran out of time
for fleece jackets

Not to make it about me, but
how strange to have such a good friend through such different phases of your life
die
before the next phase of your life
how odd to have someone
gone
before the arc of your friendship got a chance to continue

Sometimes I think
wow
you never knew that happened
you weren’t here for that crazy time
you were gone before that changed
you didn’t get to see that he turned out to be an asshole
then I realize you probably knew
-know
all the things

It’s naive
I would be
naive
if I thought these were fresh thoughts
about death and grief
I’m not
naive
I know I’m
lucky to have not known more
grief

You used to read my words and email back
I wonder what you would write for this
you would say
amen
well-said
and by the way the arc is still there, friend
let’s walk and crunch acorns together
also, get that zipper fixed – want me to take it in to the place that fixed my zipper in 2005?

I closed my eyes
thought what if you can just
ask for someone’s spirit to come?
I thought of you, said your name in my head
and I wondered if you were sitting on the edge of my couch
but I didn’t want to open my eyes to check
is that faith?