Celebrate Imperfection

December 20, 2015Celebrate, Familyonathought

This post is part of Ruth Ayres Celebrate Link up. Thanks, Ruth for this great opportunity to celebrate.

I let my mom guilt trip herself into making a gingerbread house again this year. She makes such amazing houses. Open windows, and chocolate stone chimneys, tootsie roll firewood piles and powdered sugar snow. The smell of the gingerbread and the fudge glue takes me back to my childhood; and I love that it is a part of my kids’ holiday traditions too.

Things started so promising, I could almost smell that gingerbread through the texted picture:

Then this morning my mom texted again.

A roof collapse. And later, “It’s getting worse”

So tonight when the grandparents arrived with the gingerbread house, and we were warned not to laugh too hard, we were ready.

We still laughed. (Sorry mom)

We still decorated it. We tried to decide what the lesson was here. Christmas isn’t about perfection? You can decorate any situation? It’s not about the roof? Gingerbread is yummy even when it’s broken?

We laughed at our efforts – even the glue wasn’t working tonight.

Meanwhile, my mom brought another handmade gift. Another house: a paper replica of our old home. Amazing treasure.

The smell of gingerbread

The smell of gingerbread
baking 
or just sitting 
with its fudge glue
is enough

Organizing the candy
on plates
or just watching 
kids sneak a taste
is enough

Powder sugared gingerbread memories 
are perfect 
But Gingerbread time
with family
collapsed roofs and failing icing
is enough

A Slice of … What’s a Coach?

December 15, 2015Reflections on coaching, Reflections on teaching, Slice of Lifeonathought

This is part of Two Writing Teachers’ Slice of Life. Find out more, and join in here.

I haven’t started my job yet, but many people are asking me what I’ll be doing as an Instructional Coach. After I told my students that I would be leaving to go be an Instructional Coach, they had the same question.

So I asked them to think of coaches they’ve had. “What do your coaches do?

“Yell at us!” a few students said, in their ever-present ability to help me refine my questioning.

“Okay. Think about one of your favorite coaches. What kinds of things do they do?

The answers… they made me wish I were in front of a piece of chart paper or my computer, instead of sitting on the rug in the circle.

“My coach pushes us to practice.”

“Supports us during our game.”

“Coaches play with us.”

“Let us play new games. My coach thinks that playing other games actually helps us with our game.”

“Coaches are there for you.”

I think my 6th graders’ tips are good ones to start me off as I start to learn my new role!

Celebrating something different

December 12, 2015Celebrate, Reflections on teachingonathought

This post is part of Ruth Ayres Celebrate Link up. Thanks, Ruth for this great opportunity to celebrate!

“God bless you.”

“I could never do that!”

“What are they? 11? 12? Thank you.”

Just a snapshot of some things I usually hear when I tell someone I teach 6th grade. Truth is, I love 6th graders – They are the best, they are awesome! (Full Disclosure: I also said similar things about my 2nd graders way back when.)

So last week, when I sat my classes down to tell them that I was leaving to fill in as an Instructional Coach for the rest of the year, I was curious about what their reactions would be. Sad? Angry? Elated?

Shock. They were just so shocked. Calm, and cool, like 6th graders can sometimes be. (It’s true. They can be. They are.) They looked at me with what can only be described as astonished betrayal.

“I’ll still see you.” I told them. “I’ll be helping your new teacher. I’ll be helping you. We will still be connected.”

“How about you help our new teacher by teaching us once a week?” They challenged.

I tried to articulate to them that their new teacher would be with them longer than I have. That when they look back on their 6th grade year, the new teacher is whom they will really think of. This was hard to say aloud, because I love being these kids’ teacher. But, I said it. Several students looked at me thoughtfully, some I’m sure wanted me to stop being so dramatic so they could go back to their own thoughts, and a couple just shook their heads, “Not going to happen. You are our teacher.”

Hands up for questions and comments. This is where we come to the celebration.

“I’m just worried about one thing. Are we going to have as much read-to-self time with the new teacher?”

“Wait. Are you going to take all of the books?”

“I’m not angry, I’m happy for you. I’m just going to miss you.”

“I wish you didn’t have to leave.”

“I hope you remember me. I will remember you.”

Later that day I sent an email to my students’ families, and it took a strong will not to call off the change! What kind words I got in return. Congratulations for sure, but lovely appreciation messages and “we will miss you” notes that made me feel so good, and also so guilty.

Listen. As a teacher I almost never know what if any impact I am having. I certainly don’t measure it by test scores. If I measure it at all, I measure my impact by fleeting moments; teachable and emotional. I measure it by glances that I can’t seem to articulate in writing — in inside jokes that hint at lightbulbs going off. I measure it in cooperation and laughter, relationships and community. The past week of transition, shadowing the current coach, teaching my amazing students, and getting ready to leave the classroom in January has been full of reflection and celebration.

Leaving the classroom is hard. I pre-miss it already. And, I’m so excited to try out this new role – I am going to learn so much – and I can’t wait to start to figure it all out… and celebrate along the way with all of the teachers and students I am lucky enough to be working with.

A slice of Thanks

November 24, 2015Reflections on teaching, Slice of Lifeonathought

This is part of Two Writing Teachers’ Slice of Life. Find out more, and join in here.

A day that starts with this anonymous note on the board is sure to have some good in it.

I stole an idea from The Hands Free Revolution facebook page for writing today. We talk a lot about how writing is power, but today I told the kids that I think writing is a gift too. We talked about gratitude, and about how sometimes it’s easier to write something from the heart than to say it. I shared the sentence starters with the class and they started writing notes to the people they wanted to thank and appreciate over their Thanksgiving break. I wanted to read everyone’s thank you’s because man, they must be beautiful. But, they are private, so I didn’t.

Later, a student touched a nerve with yet another out of turn comment, and I breathed mindfully. We spoke in private, where I told my truth — that I was starting to feel hurt by the constant sarcastic jokes today. At the end of the day, he handed me a rolled up note, and said “This is for later.”

Before I read the note, I wanted to cry about the kindness of it. After I read it, I wanted to share it with you. But, it’s is private, so I won’t.

I hope you have the chance to thank someone this week. It really is a wonderful way to brighten their day.

Sentence Starters we used from The Hands Free Revolution

• I’ll never forget when you …

• I appreciate how you …

• I’m sorry that sometimes I …

• What I love most about you is …

• I have you to thank for …

• Five words to describe you are:

• Our family wouldn’t be the same without your …

A Slice of “1 Page then 2.”

November 17, 2015Slice of Lifeonathought

This is part of Two Writing Teachers’ Slice of Life. Find out more, and join in here

George Bailey’s impassioned speech at the end of It’s A Wonderful Life keeps playing in my head, only it’s me, crying “Please! I want to write again! I want to read again! I want to run again!”

Moving has been, continues to be all consuming. . . In its first-world way.

The slices have been, continue to be everywhere…Snapshots of

leaving and crying

arriving and smiling

boxing and unboxing

Taking three days out of the classroom last week means I’m still catching up.

What I want to do is write and read and go on a run. Luckily, last month I read Donalyn Miller’s piece, Fallow Fields. I’m fairly sure she didn’t mean this… this days on end of life-is-too-busy-I-can’t-sit-and-read-or-write-plus-my-books-are-still-packed. But, her piece helps me feel less guilty.

On Monday I confessed to my class. I said, “I’ve been so busy. I’m living out of boxes. I had to pack up my books, and my digital library loan ended right in the middle of my last book. I haven’t been writing. I haven’t been reading. I haven’t been running. How many of you have ever had a break between books where it’s hard to pick up the next book?” So many kids raised their hands, some with guilty expressions.

I told them (and myself) that readers and writers and runners take breaks sometimes — and that even super strong readers can have trouble getting back to it. Then I asked them for help. “How am I going to start again? I can’t pick up a book and read it all right now. I can’t go run a 5K, it’s been too long!”

A student raised his hand and told me advice he learned from his gym teacher. He thinks it could go for anything. “Just start slowly. Read one page one day, and then two the next.”

Brilliant advice. He’s totally right. I told my class that this was one of the extra benefits of being a teacher: A whole room full of advisors and people to cheer you on as you try to reach your goals.

So tonight, I’m taking his advice: 1 slice at a time.

A tiny slice of moon

October 20, 2015UncategorizedSlice of Lifeonathought

This is part of Two Writing Teachers’ Slice of Life. Find out more, and join in here

At the sink
to fill my water glass
I see the moon 
never noticed the moon in that spot before
but now,
a la Harold and the Purple Crayon, 
I must know where the moon will be 
at the new house
next month.

Celebrate giving up

October 16, 2015Celebrate, Family, Reflections on teachingonathought

This post is part of Ruth Ayres Celebrate Link up. Thanks, Ruth for this great opportunity to celebrate!

You are having 
one 
of 
those 
days

Those
Fridays

Rammy kids
you don't blame them 
Such great kids
you make them popcorn, read aloud and
tell them you'll try your best to be patient
ask them to try their best not to try your patience

You have lunch duty
then forget to make calls
get caught in too many conversations
You have bus duty
bus duty is it's own poem one day
You stay after school to grade
you wonder how many times you didn't put your name on papers when you were 11
You text your husband at 5:00
"I'm bringing the rest of my work home." 

At home you straighten up and do dishes and maybe have a little tantrum about the mess and the stress and are you getting a cold, and why is everyone hungry right when you get home does the cat need food right now too and how are you going to do all the laundry and pack all of the moving boxes and do all that work you brought home?

Then your son makes dinner for himself, his brother, his sister

You feel guilty and tell him as much
What kind of parent doesn't have dinner figured out? Grow up!

"Mommy, you make wonderful dinners every night! This is your break." 

You know this is something to celebrate
this sweetness

So you give up
you put your pajamas on 
chill out

You should have given up 2 hours ago!

10474678_1088982864459193_1684130368190575286_n — Found on Single Dad Laughing Facebook page

Celebrate. . . New Beginnings

October 9, 2015Celebrate, Familyonathought

This post is part of Ruth Ayres Celebrate Link up. Thanks, Ruth for this great opportunity to celebrate!

I’m not so good at changes. When I taught centers in second grade, I’d sing “Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes” and then my para would sing “Turn and face the strange!” and the kids would switch. On my very last day of teaching 2nd grade, my alarm woke me up singing “Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes; Turn and face the strange…” and I started sobbing. I also sobbed as the kids left that day, and most likely traumatized all of those 8 year olds! However, the next school year I was snug in my classroom as a 6th grade teacher with the amazing team that I still teach with today. I don’t know what I’d do without them. I try to remind myself of this whenever change is afoot; that celebrations are coming!

There’s not enough wood to knock, Kinehoras to mutter, lucky clovers to find, Buddah bellies to rub for me to start celebrating a move we may be making in the near future. If hoops get jumped through, t’s get crossed, i’s get dotted… I might soon start walking to school, and it’s possible we will need a few pieces of furniture.

Regardless of whether or not I’ve started looking on Pinterest for things like “DIY fireplace redo” and “moving checklists,” I’m simply not ready to celebrate. I am keeping myself in check. If it doesn’t work out (that move we might be doing soon, knock on wood) it wasn’t meant to be, and everything will be okay. It’s not like I love the house or anything. (I’m lying. Knock on wood.)

What I can celebrate is: The people who are about to move into my house. I don’t know if they are anything like what we were like when Mr. Thought and I were in our early twenties, getting ready to move into our first house (this one! this very house!) but I’m going to assume there must be some similarities. I wonder if they drive by with dreams of paint colors and furniture. Are they planting gardens in their mind and boring all their friends with their plans for funky decorations? Are they saving their pennies for closing (wait, that never changes.. we’re doing the same right now!)

What I can celebrate is: All we have done to this house. When we moved here, the paint was peeling, and everything was a very odd shade of green. There were so many little holes in the walls, and the living room ceiling bowed in the middle. There was no split system air conditioner, or newly renovated kitchen. The kitchen in fact, had contact paper countertops. (Which I didn’t notice until we actually moved in!) The wiring was knob and tube! You could feel cold air blowing through the walls and the old wooden windows. There was only one bathroom… and oh…the bathroom! It was purple with crazy wallpaper, a very small claw foot tub, and exposed pipes. No exhaust fan meant that weird bathroom dust was always clinging to the walls, and behind those pipes. The painted wooden floor was quaint until you tried to clean it.

What I can celebrate is: Change. We’ve made guest rooms into craft rooms into offices into nurseries, into bedrooms. We’ve made closets into nurseries and bathrooms. We’ve made bathrooms into laundry rooms and laundry rooms into pantries. We’ve made living room walls into libraries. We’ve made a house a home. Now we are about to make a huge change… (maybe, knock on wood, where’s the four leaf clover?) and I choose to celebrate this crazy time!

Celebrating with Class! And a mentor text to boot

September 25, 2015Celebrate, poetry, Reflections on teachingCelebrate, mentor textsonathought

This post is part of Ruth Ayres Celebrate Link up. Thanks, Ruth for this great opportunity to celebrate!

I have 3 School Celebrations to share with you.

Today I get to celebrate with my students! In fact, in a first ever turn of events, I’m celebrating on my blog while they write their first ever celebration pieces. It’s a double celebration, or maybe triple. We started by reading I’m In Charge of Celebrations by Byrd Baylor/pictures by Peter Parnall. This is a beautiful book, and I am celebrating the way the pictures and words go together to make you feel the celebration. After we read, we brainstormed things we could celebrate:

We talked about all the ways we can celebrate by writing…

paragraph
story
list
poem
pictures

Now we are writing. It’s quiet, which is nice. Some students are watching my writing, which is also nice. I like writing in front of my students, even though it does feel a bit odd. A few students are still settling into the stamina of sitting and quietly writing without distracting themselves or others, which I understand. It’s September. I’m celebrating September writing!

2. This year I teach 2 ELA classes back to back. I’ve just read I’m in Charge of Celebrations for the second time this morning. Before the school year started, I thought I would be bored teaching “the same” thing two times in a row. I’d like to call a celebration for that NOT happening. I’m anything but bored. Today I got to read I’m in Charge of Celebrations TWICE! Today I got to fill my board with even more celebrations with my second class. Today I get to connect with 50 students through the power of reading and writing. I’m lucky.

3. Speaking of I’m in Charge of Celebrations. Reading a book like that 2 times in a row made it an automatic mentor text. As I read it I felt the pull to write about a celebration in the style of Byrd Baylor… Again writing in front of my students, while they write. As students finish writing a celebration, I challenge them to write again, choosing a poem this time, or a list, or a paragraph if they just did a poem. And I start thinking about celebrating my own children and their school:

Celebrating September 
A school year where all 3 children go to the same school!
Thanks to Byrd Baylor's inspiration

Friends, I wish you had been there
to hear
my children,
giddy with anticipation
share the names of 
reading buddies
make plans for
meeting for worship
discuss the rules
for the elevator

All three
of my babies
are not babies anymore, 
I know. 

All three
are in the same school now
with the chance to
be more than siblings
Yes, 
It's possible to 
be more 
than siblings
Now they are 
Schoolmates
Part of a family
and 
a community.

I've decided that September is a celebration 
for school. 
Not just any school celebration.
I don't want a day 
to 
buy 
more 
markers and post its, 
notebooks and pencils
stickers and baskets
I want a day to celebrate 
that my children 
get to spend 
their days
in the same community
they get to 
share common ground. 
They get to 
be more
than siblings.

I hope you have a lot to celebrate this weekend!

A Slice of Letting Go

September 22, 2015Family, Slice of Lifechoices, Slice of Lifeonathought

This is part of Two Writing Teachers’ Slice of Life. Find out more, and join in here!

Home. It’s where the heart is. Home is where your family is. It’s certainly not the big box you keep all your furniture in, right?

Let go. This is my mantra these days, as we have gotten our house ready to sell.

I said it to myself as I boxed up, threw out, gave away stuff. I said it as we staged the house, making it look like we would never in a million years leave legos all over the floor, or crumbs on the counter, or clutter on the dining room table, or laundry in the washer.

Let go. I said it as I stood outside in my green backyard next to my apple tree, painting the last of a few doors that needed to be finished. I repeated it as I looked at the view of mountains and blue sky.

I say it each time I ask my husband to remind me why we decided to move. (We need more space, it’s time to move closer to my school, it’s good for the kids in the long run, it’s best for our family. Repeat after me; We need more space, it’s time to move closer to my school, it’s good for the kids in the long run, it’s best for our family…)

Let go: As we turned on all the lights, put never-used white towels on hooks, never-used tablecloth on the table, never-used throw pillows, for showings and open houses; and as we took all those things off again. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat, each time we ushered kids out of the house.

I remind myself to let go when I tell L that, “Moving is hard. And, we can do hard things.” I also remind myself that deciding to move when your daughter is 12 is maybe not the best decision.

Let go: As we initialed 20 times accepting an offer.

Now I sit in my dining room. It’s pleasant. It’s clean. There’s no clutter. (Well, a little has crept back on shelves and the coffee table, corners…. if you know where to look, to be honest) Our personal pictures are packed away from the staging, and Mr. Thought tells me this is good. We are slowly letting go of this being our home.

So I work to let go. I focus on the positives.We finally made the decision to move after years of debate, and we followed through! We had a fast sale! (Well, knock on wood… still lots of hoops to jump through, t’s to cross, i’s to dot…) We are blessed with the chance to get a house that fits our family better! A new young couple gets to start their life in this great house, in this wonderful neighborhood! It feels good to think about their excitement.

But, I still tear up when I talk about it, and it’s still hard for me to think about this not being our home.