Category Archives: Family

Celebrating

celebrate-image

I’m participating in Ruth Ayres Celebrate This Week. Check out the link up here.

Yesterday I wrote about my week in “failures.” Mostly because it felt like every day had a sigh-inducing moment (or 5). My friend told me that my posting “could be called week in being a super hero AKA mom….just lessons or merely experiences.”

I call this friend my Life Coach. She always has the best perspective. I’ve celebrated her before, and I’ll celebrate her again. A friend since preschool! Amazing. I’ll celebrate technology while I’m at it… Texting has been a great way for us to stay connected during our busy schedules.

My kids are in various stages of sick. So. . .  I’m celebrating my husband: Partner in Hospital O’Thought here. I’m celebrating ginger ale, and sleeping bags, and Netflix.

It’s over 30 degrees today! I’m pre-celebrating the run that I’m hoping to take soon…(Thank you husband and Netflix once again!)

It’s so nice to take a moment to celebrate. It’s especially important after a tough week, a tough night with sick kids, in the middle of a messy house, with a pile of work waiting. If you haven’t yet… please take a moment to celebrate. Thanks Ruth Ayres for this awesome link up!

A week of Failures

This week of failures. 
********

I put on a golden yellow t-shirt, matched perfectly with my scarf and notice a small hole 
my sweater covers it up
pretty much
My daughter says"Don't worry about it! Why are you always worried about stuff like that? It doesn't matter. You should see what MY teacher wears." 
At peace with my outfit, I pour some juice
grape, 100% (fights off stomach bugs, I hear) 
and promptly spill 
purple streaks on my golden yellow T
Decision made
Outfit changed
More laundry

*****************************
I teach
Area of a parallelogram
We draw triangles, and create rectangles
and try to remember formulas
and pencils
we always try to remember pencils
and math books 
and notebooks
and how to stay on task
"How did we find the area of a rectangle?" I ask
"Base times height times 2?" they guess.
"Can I go to the bathroom?"
"When's our next field trip?"
"Did you watch the super bowl?"

**********************
My teaching partner and I stare at the released items
Practice for the state tests
A formula sheet that we hope our students understand
And word problems full of so. many. words. 
We skip the "no calculator allowed" problems, nodding to each other that they make sense. 
We stumble through one where the answer is-|3|<-|2|,-(-2)<-(-3) 
Say that one out loud
And think of a struggling learner, reader, mathematician you know.
We get through the ratios, the rates, and the many
wordy
word problems. 
We stumble again at a question asking us for an equivalent equation 
I believe the goal is to assess the distributive property
and to trick the test taker
We peter out after a few tricky problems
After all, our planning period is almost over
My teaching partner reminds me, 
"Wow. We were working on that for all of 10 minutes and I'm over it...and we skipped the ones we knew we could do if we HAD to." 
The students HAVE to, and for how long? 
An hour? 
More?

******************
We finally hired people to finish fixing up our house
An Amish builder
detailed, friendly, fair
a craftsman
and his sons
Early each morning, my husband drives to get them and they begin their work.
I hate the mess they walk into each day
I imagine their house is not cluttered with 
legos and mail, and so many shoes
I should spend my time on this --
straighten up
clean for these Amish builders
But I don't. 
I'm busy or tired 
or both
So they move the trays of legos, and then they put them back when they are done. They step over backpacks, and move the Cheerios to a different counter.
"Mommy. They organized our shoes, put them in order. They weren't even all put away before!" my children lament
Even they know this is ridiculous.

*************
We are out of class snacks
So I stick some popcorn in the microwave
"Ms. Thought? Um... Is something wrong with the microwave? It's smoking." 
The room still smells of burnt popcorn as I get out the air popper
with it's missing top
That's okay, I balance a ceramic mug to keep the top closed
and the room is filled with the pop pop pop pop
and the burning smell is diminished some with the smell of fresh popcorn
Nacho cheese is the decided flavor packet, so I shake it on
I didn't know you aren't supposed to use the whole packet
Kids cough as they eat and realize my mistake 
I make more popcorn to dilute the invisible cheese flavor
They drink water, and at least some of the kids say
"That's okay. I like this popcorn!" 
***********

At home all the grape juice
didnt quite keep the stomach sick away
Poor sweet kids
Poor sleepy parents

Mr. Thought assures me.
"Next week will be better." 


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A Slice of… What If?

Slice of LIfe

Part of Slice of Life by Two Writing Teachers. Head over there for information and links to more Slicing!

The end of winter vacation, 2 hour delays...What if? 

What If

What if
every morning, we had time to
sled,
cook and pack hot lunches
play scrabble junior
and do yoga?
                          and 2 hour delays didn't mean that
                          I'm still late leaving
                          because my son needs a time out
                          as I walk out 
                          the door?

What if
every time I came home I saw
kids playing outside
and had time to bake banana bread
and dinner?
                           and the kitchen miraculously
                           cleaned itself, floors included
                           and kids hung their snow pants up
                           without being asked?

What if
evenings were always full
of calm homework
and bingo
and time to help with piano practice?
                             and pencils weren't lost,
                             sharpeners always worked
                             bingo pieces didn't fall 
                             and nobody cried at the piano


What if
bedtime was always full of
just the right snuggles
and bedtime stories
and whispers of
"I love you Mama?"
                              and I didn't fall asleep
                              to wake up groggy, an hour later
                              to emails and grading and                
                              planning?

"Would 5 extra hours in your day be enough?"
my husband asks,
like George Bailey offering to "lasso the moon."

I don't know.

Break the Ice

It's a NEW YEAR
Still the same School year
But a NEW YEAR!
Last time I blogged it was 
2014
If I don't hit "new post" and then "publish" now, another month might go by! 

I blog in my head sometimes, when I think I'll open my laptop after the kids go to bed. 

I have 
Celebrations of running (5 whole miles! Me!) 
Slices of fun and mess on Christmas Day 
My baby turning 5

I want to share
Reflections from my Winter Book-A-Day
A lesson comparing Letting Swift River Go to a piece on Global Warming Refugees 
and how just today I procrastinated grading late work by cleaning off my desk to make room for my new beach.
photo

I know I need to choose ONE WORD
and my #nerdlution promises 

But, for now I just decided to break the cold 2015 ice
I just decided to write. 


A Slice of Perceptions

Slice of LIfe

Part of Slice of Life by Two Writing Teachers. Head over there for information and links to more Slicing!

I notice the drama first, since I am facing the Wegman’s cafe entrance. We are close enough to hear the whole thing, and E and I are unable to pull our attention away.

The man isn’t able to get through the automatic door. He walks with a cane, slowly and with an unsteady gait. He complains, sounding mildly annoyed but not distressed. “The door won’t let me walk through. It keeps closing on me.” I watch as the cafe worker notices him and listens to him. She smiles, as you do when a stranger starts talking to you and you are trying to make heads or tails of what they are saying.

The door is closing on him, again and again. I have a fleeting thought that I should maybe run up and hold it open for him. I am worried though, that it would be almost insulting to jump to the conclusion that he needs my help. I know I have been known to complain out loud in a grocery store. I’ll laugh and say, “I can’t control my cart, or “Wow, I’m in everyone’s way in this aisle today!” I say these things with a smile, hoping to smooth over any annoyance of my fellow shoppers.

Suddenly the man is yelling. “Open the door for me, sir! You idiot!” He directs his anger to the female cafe worker,  who is just starting to figure out that maybe this man does need help. She startles, and jumps over to help him, muttering a sincere “I’m sorry.” He yells again, “Don’t be sorry, idiot! Jesus Christ! What’s your problem?”

She helps him get through the door, with her head hung and her eyes embarrassed. He walks away, still muttering, and she cleans the nearby counter. I watch her out of the corner of my eyes, as my 4 year old asks me why the man was so mean.

“He was having trouble getting through the door.” I explain. “How else could he have asked for help?” I ask my son.

“He could have asked nicely… He could have said please.” E answers.

“He must have been having a bad day, or been embarrassed that he couldn’t get through that door. But I wish he hadn’t treated that lady so sharply.” I say, trying to make his unkindness into a teachable moment.

I watch as the worker picks up some trays and heads to the back of the cafe. She still has that shamed face of someone who just got yelled at. I notice her name tag as I try to catch her attention. “I’m sorry that happened to you.” I say. I’m not sure if she hears me. I’m not sure if her day is ruined, or if she will be able to shake it off. I know it was painful to watch the opposite of pay it forward play out in front of us.

As E and I leave the cafe to start our grocery shopping, we pass the man, and I cross my fingers that my son won’t blurt out anything remotely close to “There’s that mean man!” I feel sympathy for this man too. How hard to have the door close on you while you are trying to keep your head held high and walk into the grocery store. I hope he finds some peace in his day without yelling at anyone else.

A slice of my morning drive

Slice of LIfe

Part of Slice of Life by Two Writing Teachers. Head over there for information and links to more Slicing!

My drive to work is the same, more or less, every day. How rushed my morning is, and what time I leave dictates which way I start my trip, but the last leg is always the same.

On rushed, bad days, I race out of the house. Guilt trails me down my front steps after I hurriedly give my kids their kisses and hugs, and I speedily remind my husband of a few last minute things. Guilt follows me into my car and  reminds me of the stretching out of that connection to my family as I drive farther away. I distract myself with the radio and then halfway to school my mind starts filling with my school to do list.

On good days I have a little more time with my kids, and I give a few more hugs and kisses. Some days, my kids walk me outside and run on the sidewalk as I drive away. Guilt is still my company on good days, but I’m more comfortable shutting her up.

Best case scenario, I’d use each of my 20  minutes up like I’m licking the last bite of the chocolate syrup out of my bowl. Occasionally I do use most of my trip for mindful thinking. I think of a lot of things I’d like to write about during this time, but driving isn’t the best time for writing. . . (I tried to dictate something once… but my phone got really confused, poor thing… and it would need to be a post called “A Slice of Autocorrect” I guess!)

Sometimes as I turn in to my school’s neighborhood, I see a father and children waiting for their bus. Last week I turned the corner as the bus was closing its door. The father waited as the bus did its bus things – a small jolt backwards and then a slow start. He stood and he waved and he blew a kiss. I stared and I cried and I thought. I thought about how I try to make my classroom a home away from home but how it isn’t a home, it’s a school. I thought about how I care for my students and protect them, but how I’m not their parent. (Their parents waved goodbye to them this morning, I hope.) I thought about parents waving goodbye to their kids starting in preschool. I thought about that connection we have to our children, and how it stretches and stretches as we send them off to school and sports and playdates (and one day real dates! and college! and marriage!)

Now I notice school bus goodbyes everywhere on my morning drive. Parents wait in cars with their kids at the bottom of long country driveways, and parents walk back after busses have pulled away.

If only I could leave school in time to see  busses pulling up again, and kids hugging their parents hello! I think that might be good for my soul.

Celebrating Small Stuff

celebrate-image

I’m participating in Ruth Ayres Celebrate This Week. Check out the link up here.

Today I’m celebrating small stuff. These busy days with my messy house, and my candle burning at both ends, celebrating the small stuff is a good way to keep myself from sinking! When I can, I’ve been writing these small things in a note on my phone. I miss a lot, but love even having just a few there to remind me to celebrate.

    1. Recently we took a short detour and drove the kids to the spot where we got married. It was so beautiful, driving down the tree lined drive and reminiscing about our wedding day.
      photo
    2. On that same drive, L sat in the back seat crocheting. She has a bag of crocheting now, and when I look over at her crocheting, it’s hard to describe the peaceful feeling. I’m celebrating her craft, her mindful time, her practice.
      Image 1
    3. The note on my phone that says “the patient people as H experimented with the pumpkin scale.” I celebrate patience, and hope that I get more of it myself. The pumpkin scale line was long, and the man in charge was so kind. He joked around with my 7 year old, and didn’t mind H’s experiments with making the pumpkin weigh more or less by lifting it up, and pressing down on it. When people are kind to my children as they act like the curious young people that they are, I celebrate. When people don’t rush them, I celebrate. When people make them laugh and feel connected to this big crazy world, I celebrate.
    4. Game night. Sometimes the house is straightened up enough, and the vacuuming is done, and dinner is over, and pajamas are on. Sometimes kids take turns picking the game and everyone has a chance. Those times are worth celebrating.
      Image 7

Celebrate! Participation Medals

celebrate-image

I’m participating in Ruth Ayres Celebrate This Week. Check out the link up here!

Today I’m celebrating “Participation Medals.”

Sometimes I laugh at awards for all. Often I roll my eyes at certificates for participating in competitions. I nod when colleagues talk about how we are creating a generation of entitlement. I have read Mindset, and I understand that if we reward what kids think of as their innate abilities, they will give up on difficult situations. I know that kids know participation awards from the real deal.

I also know that my kids don’t get a lot of rewards like this. Their teachers don’t do it, my daughter’s piano teacher doesn’t do it. We are pretty chill here as far as sports… take after-school soccer just for fun, take karate twice a week to be physically active while practicing focus, hard work, self control, etc.  Like it or not, there’s not a lot of competition in this family.

Today my son went to his first karate tournament. My daughter didn’t want to compete, so it was just me and H. A Karate themed mother and son day. We had no idea what to expect, but we were excited.

photo 1Today, I’m celebrating H’s participation. A participation medal… I found myself being thankful for this medal. He didn’t place 1st or 2nd or 3rd in his forms, but he got a medal. I decided right then that he deserved this medal. Maybe it’s silly, to get a medal for “just showing up,” but I don’t think so. Not when you think about what “just showing up” means. What does Participating mean?

Participating. . . I can’t imagine being such a little guy, walking into a high school gymnasium with so many strangers.

photo 2

Participating… Today, I’m celebrating H’s wise words as we spoke about not expecting a trophy on your first (white belt) tournament. Next time, maybe. He said “Mommy, it’s like jumping off of a tall thing… like doing a dare devil trick. Once I do it once, I can do it another time with more knowing what’s happening.”

photo 3

Participating…. I’m celebrating this little boy of mine, who listened to directions from officials, was focused, and participated even though his big sister wasn’t there, even though he knew he had a long way to go before being the best.

I’m celebrating how he told me he was happy that at least he’d get a medal. “It’s nice that you know you are walking away with something at least.” he told me.

photo 4

 

I’d also like to celebrate…

Time with this kid
an entire afternoon including
unhealthy snacks and a 
candy taste test

Conversations with this kid
patiently waiting in bleachers
("It was so cool mommy, to actually seat in those seats to watch!") 

Pride - his own
and mine

And... well... I guess a little celebration for his 
First Place Trophy
for sparring... 
"I knew I'd win at sparring, mommy. I'm really good at sparring."

A slice of motherhood

Slice of LIfe

Part of Slice of Life by Two Writing Teachers. Head over there for information and links to more Slicing!

Do you know that quote about having children? That it is “…forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.” (Elizabeth Stone said this, the internet is telling me). Ever since becoming a mother, I have felt that quote to be true. Lately I have been struck by how much this love is heartbreakingly strong. It must be universal, this feeling… right?

Does it bring you to tears, to watch your 4 year old “read” a superhero book to himself in bed? When he asks you if Superman is okay with the green kryptonite or red, do you interrupt him just to kiss his cheeks some more? When he asks you if Santa gives the kind of legos that come with directions, do you wrinkle your face up because his four year old voice melts your heart? When he climbs back into your bed in the middle of the night, without waking you, are you so cozy to find him there in the morning? Do you give him kisses and hugs early in the morning, not even worrying if it wakes him up?

Do you stop to stare at your 7 year old, who squeezed himself between you and your daughter on the couch? Do you want to freeze time as you put your arm around him and listen to him talk about the toys in the catalog he is looking through? When he tests your patience while testing the limits, do you want to just stop the presses and tickle him? Do you make him promise that he will always hug you and snuggle you for the rest of forever, even though you know that one day he will be grown up, and too cool, and far too busy? When he climbs into your bed early in the morning, do you send a thank you to the universe for such a miracle to have him?

When your very own middle schooler says “Wait, didn’t you say this would be the time I’d be all mean, and say ‘I hate you?'” do you want to say, “Well, I guess we skipped that, phew!” (Even though you know that day is coming….)  Do you hit pause and attack her with the tightest hugs? Does she still look like your baby to you? Are you worried about her getting all independent? Do you know that she has to learn to be a responsible young adult, but still want to hold her hand while she does it? Does she tell you she’ll miss you on her field trip? Do you tell her that she’ll be fine, and have fun, and that she can handle walking around with a group of peers with no group chaperone? Do you mean, “Of course you’ll miss me! I should be with you! You need a chaperone! There are all kinds of scary things that can happen!” Do you reel in your anxiety to help her grow up? When she wakes up Saturday morning and makes her way down the hall to see if you are up, do you hope there are millions of years left where she will be beside you?

Do you let your kids fall asleep in your bed because it’s nice to be all together at the end of the busy day? Do you sneak in to check them before falling asleep? Do you send a prayer of love and hope it wraps them in safety?

Does your heart ache?

 

A (few) Slice(s) of Homework

Slice of LIfe

Part of Slice of Life by Two Writing Teachers. Head over there for information and links to more Slicing! 

“I feel so…good! Mommy. I don’t know if you know this feeling…when you get something done. Not the homework kind of done, but a good deed.”

H started 2nd grade this year. I wish you could have seen him before school started. He was ready to be a second grader: So excited to go to school. He loves learning, and his curious creativity drives him daily (in and out of the classroom). He started school at the end of August, and he still loves it. His teacher is also curious and creative, and she seems to get him, which is nice. It is especially nice because the teacher he had for kindergarten and first grade is what I would call an angel of a teacher, and I’m sure she will never be topped. (My love letter to her is a different post.) So we had  wondered how the transition to a new teacher would go.  This year, H said, just a few days in… “I know that I have Tr. R for second grade and third grade, but I should probably have her for fourth grade too.”  Okay then! 2 awesome teachers in a row, who could ask for anything more?

I guess I can. I can ask for no homework. H gets math each night, and then a selection of other homework assignments, given over the weekend and due on different dates. Make no mistake, the homework assignments are interesting and worthwhile assignments. There is a night of reading. Some weekends we have been good at getting all the assignments done so that we don’t have to worry about them during the week. I like spending time with my children, and sometimes the time we spend doing homework is enjoyable. Tonight I sat with H as he did his math. The practice was easy for him, so he spent some of his energy being creative. “Look, I can write my ‘o’clock zeroes’ with sideways 8’s!”  We smiled and laughed and practiced some clock math. It was not a bad way to spend 15 minutes.

photo 4

Other times have not been so peaceful. More than once H has said, “I hate school.” You know when he says that? When it’s time to do homework. It is usually a battle. “You can do that after you do you homework,” is a phrase Mr. Thought and I say a lot around here.  My middle school daughter loves school too. She struggles with some math concepts, and some might say that is why she should do more homework. But I’m not so sure. She has been working at school all day. She comes home and needs some down time. She needs some time to play, practice her piano, eat dinner, talk with us, help with chores. She needs to get ready for bed… There are only so many hours in the day. Several nights last week she ended the night upset that she hadn’t had any time to read. Now part of this is her own time management skills, for sure…but I have been waiting for her to catch the reading bug, and hate to see her not reading because she’s practicing long division. More than once she has said, “I don’t need extra help with my long division, I just don’t like math. I don’t care about it.” I’m thinking 15 practice problems at the end of a long day aren’t going to make her care about math.

Full disclosure: I have a problem with homework in the elementary and middle school years. For the past month or so, I have been noticing slices of our homework life at my house. I have read The Homework Myth by Alfie Kohn. I have read numerous other articles and research summaries about homework, and I have seen friends’ postings on Facebook. I am not alone in my dislike of homework.

I know. Some students like it. Some families feel it is important. Sometimes the practice benefits the student whether they enjoy it or not. I know. I know the pressure in my own teaching: So much curriculum, so much to do. There isn’t enough time. Ever. 

Two weeks ago, I gave my students a timeline assignment. They had some time in class to work, and I told them they would need to go over their timeline with their families to help with the facts, etc. I assigned a due date. The day before the due date I had a different activity planned… so much curriculum to get through, you know. But then I noticed that students needed more time, and I asked myself: If this activity wasn’t worth class time, why was I assigning it? Why would it be worth home time? I scratched my plans for that period, and gave them that extra hour to work. (It was worth the time, by the way – getting to know your students through an authentic activity is, I believe, always worth the time.)

I wonder about homework. If we give practice homework that kids aren’t independent in, then they may practice the wrong thing, or struggle through an understanding in a way that causes more frustration than it is worth. If they are already independent in a skill,  do they need that practice? If we give the same homework to every student, how is that differentiation? But if we take the time to differentiate, is that amount of time worth it for homework that they will be doing without our observation and support? If research studies aren’t showing that doing homework before high school leads to better study skills and organization, is it worth the headache? If homework is practice, is it something that you should ethically be counting in a grade that is meant to show how well a student understands? (Check out Rick Wormeli’s thoughts on grading homework here.) If homework does help academics, what gives schools the right to dictate a student’s time at home?

It should be enough that research doesn’t support homework. It should be enough that the majority of parents don’t want their kids to be doing work during family time. (See this study, where at my last check, 75% of parents wanted a “no homework” policy) It should be enough that kids work all day. But for some reason, we still do it because “We’ve always done it this way.” 

If you were to look into a window of my children’s time at home, you would see what might look like a mess of legos and playdoh, paper, markers, dress up, dolls. . .  Sometimes we spend a day on a beautiful family hike.

photo

To be perfectly honest, I wouldn’t want homework even if all my kids did in their free time was play. I believe in the power of play and that for kids, playing is their work. However they aren’t just playing. By 1:00 this past Sunday afternoon, H had already done the following non-homework activities: Cleaned and reorganized his bedroom, sorted legos with his 4 year old brother, researched how our cat goes downstairs by videotaping him in slow motion on my phone, and measured and figured out the timing of our ceiling fan. He slowed down for a snack and some time hanging out with Mr. Thought. L, my 10 year old, had a similarly busy and productive day, in addition to reading her current chapter book.

photo 2

I watched H’s slow motion video of our cat on Sunday afternoon, and hated that I had to say, “Hey! you could write about this in your research journal homework!” He didn’t want to open his backpack, but I made him. We printed out a picture, and glued it in.photo 1

I hope I didn’t teach him that the only learning that counts is the stuff you do for other people. I hope he’s right, that a picture is fine, he doesn’t need to write for each entry.

Instead of worrying about it, I settled in with my tissues and water (go away, cold!) and listened as Mr. Thought read Harry Potter to us.